Come Back To Me
by FWvidChick
Summary: Lois and Clark have been together nearly ten years. Life is good, Superman is a hero of Hope, Clark & Lois are at the top of their careers. Until an investigation goes south shattering the balance. For one, memories of a life together are lost and the other is forced to take on old secrets. In order to find their way back they'll have to search for answers and face old foes.
1. Prologue

**Pairings: **Clois  
**Rating: **PG -13  
**Theme:** Romance, Drama, investigating, hurt.  
**  
Summary:** _Lois and Clark have been together nearly ten years. Life is good, Superman is a hero of Hope, Clark Kent and Lois Lane are at the top of their careers. Until an investigation goes south shattering the balance. For one, memories of a life together are lost and the other is forced to take on old secrets. In order to find their way back they'll have to search for answers and face old foes. _

**Time Frame**: Story present takes place in 2018. Is AU from around s7. Lana did die at the end of s6, and Clark became the blur during s7, wore the glasses at the beginning of s8. Any other AU elements will be referenced when needed, otherwise most main events happen even if the details have changed.  
**  
Disclaimer:**I own nothing (obviously) and I just enjoy writing it. Its called fandom.

Special thanks to Kaylee for reading this over and fixing my migraine induced mistakes.

**Authors Note: - Please Read.****  
**  
I am writing this, yes I know I have a ton of stories already, because I unfortunately am in writing funk. This story essentially is a writing exercise. I work on it when I am stuck and I am not allowing myself to do the usual fussing and nit picking I do. SO while I will of course try and do my best it may not be my usual quality. So read at your own risk.

I need to do this while I am recovering from being really ill otherwise it will just get that much harder to get out of the funk. I currently sleep a lot and am battling my migraines again but writing regardless helps. All my other stories, clois or not aren't coming out at all or like I want. This is my attempt to not give up all together.

I will be doing short updates. No longer than three to five scenes.

I'm not an expert at certain issues in this story, though I have done a lot of research, so I may not represent them accurately despite my best efforts.

Hope this is enjoyed.

Come Back To Me

ღ Prologue

The atmosphere was peaceful, somewhat romantic. While it was obviously meant to be a classy dining experience, if the small plate of food was anything to go by, it failed to deliver the complete romantic quality with its almost aloof lighting. Clark glanced around before he settled his attention once more on what was the most beautiful sight in the room, or rather the world. His companion.

"I feel guilty eating this."

"Why..?" Clark raised a confused brow. Lois had never been one to worry about how many calories a chocolate dessert had. At least if she was, she never stated it out loud. Her body was in great shape and he often wondered how it was with her persistence on an erratic diet and constantly being on the go. One of the many mysteries of Lois Lane.

Lois took another bite of the divine chocolate mousse before pointing her spoon at Clark, with great effort she swallowed the bite she just wanted to soak in her mouth. "Because…this place, it's all Luthor owned."

Clark paused from taking a bite of his own dessert to tilt his head at her, "I thought you liked using his stuff. Or as you say, against him. This was an all-expenses paid trip, on behalf of the Daily Planet at his request, and we did our snooping. So when did your 'use and investigate' policy change?"

"Smallville, it still doesn't mean I like sitting here eating this chocolate mousse as if the bald headed dictator wanna-be wasn't sitting somewhere out there plotting ways to take over the world and ruin ___Superman_" Lois added emphasis on the last word. From the look of thunder that passed over her beautiful features Clark was certain she was still near nuclear level mad at Lex Luthor's latest stunt a month ago.

Considering how calm she had been since they took this assignment, which wasn't really all that calm by normal standards, he was amazed that so far there hadn't been an assault incident.

Lex was lucky that Lois Lane wasn't being allowed to follow through on her plans to castrate him. Clark was grateful that not only had he stopped every attempt she made to cause Lex bodily harm, but also that she so far hadn't decided to turn that attention on him for his interference. Thank goodness the woman loved him because he was fairly certain if she didn't he'd be in a world of hurt.

Age hadn't mellowed her in the slightest, if anything it had made her worse.

Nodding as if none of that line of thought had passed through his head, Clark gave her one of his melt the heart smiles. "Lois, even if he is it doesn't matter, not with what we found out today. Now lets celebrate our current wrench in his cogs. And the time alone together before we have to head back tomorrow."

Lois sighed before a slow half smile crept onto her face. "You're right. I guess I just got caught up in the day's events…and," the smile fell, "I.."

"Lois it's okay to miss her… " Clark interrupted

"I know!" She put her head in her hands for a moment before looking up at him with exasperation, "How is it you're not having separation anxiety? How is that fair?"

Clark put his hands up in defense, " Hey, I do."

Lois' eyes narrowed at the somewhat guilty look that passed over his face for barely a second. "Oh..Oh" she pointed a finger at him, "You called your mom didn't you!"

"I..Uh," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I mean…" he couldn't have looked more guilty if he tried.

"Clark! You said and I quote "This will be good for all of us. We can do this Lois…"

"I know what I said!" If only he had been able to stick to it.

"Yeah, that's why you called…how many times?" Lois gave Clark the look that told him he had no way out of this. His verbal tripping wasn't going to save him.

".. Twice" He murmured with a swallow.

Lois stared at him for a moment before sighing, "So…how is she?"

"She's fine. Apparently she isn't suffering like we are." Pushing his glasses back up his nose Clark gave a small smile "Which is for the best, I wouldn't want her too."

"Neither would I" Lois replied in a small voice, re-focusing her attention back on her mousse. Clark knew her mind was elsewhere, couldn't blame her. In two years they hadn't left Metropolis for more than a handful of hours at a time. Well she hadn't anyway.

He had as Superman. It couldn't be avoided.

"Alright then. Let's enjoy this evening…no more moping and missing and all that fare. We go home tomorrow so lets enjoy our freedom tonight." Lois determined voice broke through his thoughts. As Clark was nodding his agreement, Lois called over the waiter and ordered them drinks, very alcoholic drinks. Glad that Clark hadn't inquired into how many times ___she_ had called his mom.

They were a silly pair she thought as she turned her attention back to him. Taking in how as the years had passed even the Clark Kent mask couldn't hide the presence he had about him. He could play the meek geek but he was always the geek that stood out. At least though they were a pair, feeling suddenly very possessive of her geeky stud, Lois couldn't have imagined it any other way. He was her investigative partner, lover, best friend, fiancé and companion in silly worrying.

The best possible pairing in history she imagined.

ღ

Could the man be any more gawd damn sexy? His body was made for sex, this she was certain of. She'd write an editorial to prove it if need be. There was no help for her. She'd forever be a simmering pot ready to boil over every time he looked at her, and those glasses, those stupid damn make-him-look-like -a -dork glasses just made it ten times worse.

She hated him.

Okay that wasn't true. Not really, yes she did hate him, but it was the sort that came from years of wholly and completely loving someone who drove you mentally and physically up the proverbial wall, and sometimes literally – but that was a totally different train of thought and going there meant trying things she wasn't currently capable of.

Why in the name of all that was good did she think drinking that much would be a good idea?

It wasn't beer or whiskey… it was champagne, the stuff that went straight to her head. It made her feel like she was walking on air, and robbed her of every single sense. Stupid pink, bubbly pretty stuff. Should know better when it comes to pink, pink is evil.

"Lois, honey, our room is still three floors up."

Lois turned, or more accurately whipped around and almost stumbled into the wall. "Oh" She wasn't certain when she had left his arms and wandered the wrong way, but somehow she had.

Stupid pink evil liquid. ___It had been pink, right?_

Suddenly Lois wasn't entirely sure what she had drunk or how much. All she knew as Clark guided her into the overly done swanky elevator was that she felt utterly fantastic and completely drunk.

If she felt any better she would end up flying. The thought made her giggle. Flying…her and Clark in the clouds. High above…sex.

Clark gave Lois a sideways glance, relieved that they were the elevators only occupants. Lois drunk wasn't exactly a new situation, and if he was honest he actually quite enjoyed it. However, so far she had tried to maul him down one hallway before abruptly pushing off him with disgust, and now stood calmly but giggly at his side. This was usually the moment she'd use to cop a feel.

And he'd let her while getting his own in return.

This though, this behavior was off and yet considering she hadn't had anything to drink for well over a year maybe it wasn't all that surprising.

Not sure what she was thinking he found himself putting his arm out, stopping her from her sudden sprint into the elevator doors. She looked at him confused before laughing.

Pointing at him her grin grew wide, her eyes swept possessively over him. "You're mine" she declared.

Clark nodded with an amused grin, "Yes I am."

Walking down the hall, his arm around her waist both to guide and steady her. Clark found his eyes traveling downward, unable to help admiring the way her gown hugged her body, the deep cleavage.

Arriving at their hotel room door Lois looked up and in that moment Clark felt himself fall in love with her all over again. The way she looked at him, the complete trust, the love, the lust all mingled in her hazel eyes as her lips parted ever so slightly and her breath hitched. He could feel her heart pounding with his own.

Without hesitation he leaned down and captured her lips in a slow deep kiss. Wanting her as much as she wanted him.

The hotel room door couldn't open fast enough as they pushed through, Lois had her hands in his hair, then gripping his shoulders or undoing his pants. At some point she stripped him of his glasses and he found himself a little concerned as his hand went for the zip on the back of her dress, where they went. He really didn't want to find them tomorrow crunched under foot.

Her dress unzipped he spun her around gently to run a hand achingly down her front and across her stomach, pulling the gown down as he did, caressing and palming her skin. Kissing her neck as her body leaned completely into his own, moaning at his touch. How he loved her, every single thing about her. From her rambling or ranting to her sense of humor and compassion, her laughter and smile to the way her body felt against his own or the way she'd moan out his name.

Clark couldn't fathom loving anyone the way he loved her or how he could ever stop.

"Clark…" She breathed and turned in his arms, "I want you now…"

She grabbed his face and kissed him hard, her mouth over his in a dominating play of lips and tongue that swallowed his reply. A moment later it became clear she needed more, pushing him back and tearing open his shirt causing the buttons to fly in different directions.

Hands gripping her waist Clark kissed the side of her face and grunted in protest, "That was a good shirt."

"I'll sew them back on…" Lois returned as her lips found his again, their bodies pressed tightly together.

"No you won't" he murmured back after a minute, falling back on to the bed, bringing her with him.

Lois grinned and rolled to the side "No…I won't" Lustfully nodding down at his pants which much to her delight disappeared along with her under clothes a second later. "We should be working…"

Shaking his head Clark grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her over him once more till she was straddling him.

"We…" He moaned against her touch, the feel of her long hair touching his skin as she leaned down to kiss him, "We can work tomorrow…"

ღ

"Ma'am, are you okay, do you need me to call a taxi?"

She stopped at the door and turned back to look at the hotel employee. "No, no need, just…" what was she going to do, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wasn't supposed to be there. Wherever 'there' was.

"I'm just going to go for a walk." Yeah, a walk. Maybe after some fresh air she'd remember what it was she was supposed to be doing, where she should be.

"Okay, Um…" The clerk looked uncertain, the woman was in a night gown, robe and bunny slippers. Not the usual going out for a walk attire, however, it was her choice.

Turning away she went through the door and shivered a little at as the crisp air hit her. Pulling her robe around her tighter she realized she had forgotten how cold it could get at this time of year.

The street at first was fairly busy; there were others out even at this time of night, hotels and bars being the main reason. After a while the hotel was no longer in sight and the streets became darker, she had rarely seen a car.

Time didn't seem to hold any meaning, she couldn't recall how far she had walked and still had no clue where she was going. It would come she was sure of it.

ღ

Her side of the bed was cold, he had been gone several hours on the other side of the world as Superman. Normally he wouldn't have been alarmed as usually if she woke and couldn't go back to sleep she'd jump on her laptop and write.

But her laptop was untouched and she had been pretty out of it when he left, sleeping off her intoxication and their energetic lovemaking. So where was she?

After 20 minutes of trying to be patient, in case she simply gone out to get something from the little convenience store not even half a block away, Clark knew something was wrong.

Texting her phone resulted in him finding it and her purse in their hotel room. Untouched.

Taking a deep breath, he headed down to the lobby trying not to assume the worst. Lois would kick his  
Kryptonian ass if he made a big deal out of her stretching her legs and getting sidetracked.

Clark's relief was short-lived, though the clerk responded immediately to the site of Lois' picture in his wallet, he informed him she had gone out in her robe and slippers almost three hours before.

That wasn't a walk to the local store or a stretch your legs sort of time frame. It was funny how he could deal with crisis as Superman with relative ease but this, the feeling the filled him now made his stomach roll, his chest ache and his knees weak. Where was she?

Without really thinking about it he ran out of the hotel, staring up and down the street, which direction?  
After a moment he realized he could listen for her. Her voice, her heartbeat.

Closing his eyes he stood there and let each and every sound fall away until he heard her. The simple steady beat of her heart.

Relief washed over him. Whatever had happened she didn't seem to be hurt or in distress.

Anger flooded in. Did she think he wanted to be worried about her? In all their years together she had never been so thoughtless as to leave him worrying over her for no reason.

Ducking into the nearest alley, Clark spun into his Superman suit and took off in the direction he knew she had gone. Slowly flying over the streets looking for the only woman capable of making him feel this insane.

It took just seconds to find her, standing in front of a darkened shop over five miles away from the hotel.

Confused and still a little angry he landed with a thud behind her. "Lois, what are you…" he began stopping as she turned around to look at him.

He had never seen that expression on her face before. Lois eyes widened and she looked completely panicked at the sight of him. "Superman!"

She flew into his arms, he could feel her shaking. "Lois…Lois" Clark pulled her away so he could look her over, "What's wrong? Why did you leave?"

Her hands tightened like iron grips around his arms, "What…" She looked confused, like she was clueless as to what he was talking about. Lois shook her head, "No… Superman you don't understand, I need your help!"

For a split second Clark wanted this to be some sort of game. Badly timed game that would end with them naked in bed and all forgiven. There was no chance of it. Her eyes held not a single spark of love or recognition for him. Just…confusion and fear. He had seen that look before in many other eyes. Heard it in multitude of voices from those who called out for help.

Clark brought his hands up to cup her face, "It's okay. I'm here now" the words coming of their own accord, an automatic response when what he really wanted to say wouldn't come, he wasn't even sure what else to say. Afraid to even think the thought the came into his mind.

"Please…" she pleaded, "Can you please help me"

He nodded and rubbed a tear away with his thumb, "Tell me what you need… " ___Tell me that you're okay, that this is just a dream._

She obviously couldn't hear his thoughts, and her answer did nothing to allay his fear.

"Superman… I don't…" Her mouth opened for a moment, than closed before she opened it again, struggling to find the words. When she did find her voice it was on the verge of hysteria, "I don't know who I am!"

ஐ


	2. Chapter 1 - Unreal

**A/N: **Here is my update.. i so wanted to nit pick it to death but I stopped myself. That is so much harder than I thought it would be. I really hate a couple of the scenes but hopefully it's a good update regardless.

* * *

**Chapter One: Unreal**

There were times when he hated having to follow procedure, that he couldn't simply do what felt natural. All he had wanted to do was sprint Lois directly off to Metropolis and Emil. To get an answer and fix it all right away.

Reality was neither convenient nor kind.

Instead of whisking her off he had to take her to the local hospital, inform police who then would inform Clark Kent. And with her lack of memory, seeming to know only Superman, he couldn't immediately leave and become her fiancé'. She didn't remember her fiancé and she was terrified.

What struck him hard wasn't just the nightmare of her not remembering but how different she was. She clung to him when they flew as if she was afraid of heights, the tears came more freely, even her words, expressions all seemed not quite Lois.

It was a different woman in his arms that wore the face of someone he loved. It was only by a great deal of self-control that he stayed calm through the whole ordeal, as they admitted her and the police came. Clark felt torn when as Superman there was nothing more he could do and he knew the police would be calling him as Clark.

She looked for him from her hospital bed, her eyes wide. He wanted to stay there for her, give her comfort. But not as Superman. With a swallow he came back into her room and told her that someone who knew her, who loved her, would be coming soon.

"But I don't remember anyone, just you"

"Do you remember how we met?"

Lois frowned, her eyes glanced down as she tried to recall, a moment later she shook her head, "No just... I just know you. But I don't know how I do. "

He placed his hand over hers wanting to take her pain away, "Lois, it will be okay. I have to go but you're not alone. "

She nodded staring at their hands and he wondered what she was thinking. Did it feel familiar?  
"Please come see me."

Resisting the urge to brush the hair back from her face he instead stood up taller, pulling his hand away from hers slowly, giving her a simple nod as he stepped back. Trying to sound reassuring, "Of course I will. We're friends, good friends." _You're the love of my life…_

Their eyes met and for a second he wondered if she would protest his leaving but she instead continued to stare. It was both unnerving and heartbreaking. With great effort he said a last goodbye and left. Haunted as he flew back to the hotel, a heavy weight sat on his chest, he wanted to react but was unable. There was no time, no time to break down or feel his heart tear open.

Lois didn't remember loving him.

Less than a minute later he came in through the doors of the hotel as Clark Kent, thankful the clerk was nowhere in sight. He wasn't in the mood to come up with even a simple story or explain anything.

Soon the police would figure out where Lois Lane had been staying at and he wanted to take even just two minutes.

He needed to be able to breathe even if there was no time.

Shortly he'd call the police, play the clueless and worried partner. How and when had he become so good at detaching himself? Was it really a good thing?

After speeding up to their hotel room he sat heavily down on the edge of the unmade bed. Closing his eyes and taking in deep gulps of air as it hit him. It really hit him.

Lois didn't know who she was. Lois didn't know Clark, remember their life, their love, her career... _She doesn't remember our baby!_

Pushing off the bed he began to pace. Wanting to call, unable to get himself to do so. She needed him and he needed her but there this... this thing that now had come in and stole her away.

Glancing at the bed he was reminded of how just hours ago she had been whole and in his arms, happy…beaming.

_"__..Lois...uh..." He moaned, trying to think._

_Lois had giggled as she looked down at him. "Don't tell me you're already worn out...what happened to all that 'super' stamina." _

_His answer had been to roll her till he was on top, her feminine form trapped between his own very masculine one. Clark smiled down at her, "You want Super you say?"_

_Lois eyes sparkled and not just from inebriated state, "Oh yes Mr. Kent…" She breathed, "I want Super...I want fast ... " She kissed slowly, "hot" her tongue teased his lower lip. "... har…" _

_She never finished the last word as he kissed her. Taking her all in. Lips, mouth, silky skin...every curve, she became his air. _

Clark shook away the memory. Not wanting to relive any more when...

With a growl he pulled out his cell and dialed. No more waiting. No time to waste.

His hands shook but he did as needed to do. Reported the woman he loved was missing. He played the part he needed to, heard the words of the police.

They found her, he already knew this but hearing it made him sick.

All he could think of was her. How she was feeling.

To not remember who you were or anyone in your life, to have the details wiped away. His own brief experiences could not compare. Not with this.

His stomach was a knot. What did he say? What would he do? Would she trust him?

Could he make this better? How did it even happen?

_Was any of it real?_

ღ

"Any pain?"

Lois shook her head. The doctor made a 'hmm' sound but continued to run his hand along the back of her head before moving on to her neck. Closing her eyes she forced herself not to react, not to be afraid.

Like all those who had been there, Doctor Stuart was only trying to help, to figure out why she couldn't remember.

Yet everything inside of her screamed that this was all wrong. That it was unreal, that she wasn't supposed to be here.

Since she had first begun to realize that she didn't know who she was, reality felt twisted. One second it was like she was her…someone going for a walk, whom was okay, no worries. Than the next it became like a dream. With shadows lurking, urges, feelings, and thoughts that made no sense and felt unreal.

She felt unreal. All from a single thought. Cold, she thought about finding somewhere to get something warm to drink. This made her think of cocoa…an obscure thing really. Cocoa…not coffee or tea. Why cocoa?

But that led to her searching her person for money, which led to realization of what she was wearing. That thought led to another and another till the question of her identity rang like a bell.

She hadn't been able to answer the question. Instead she went numb, her feet moved further down the street aimlessly but her mind was frozen.

Who was she?

How had she left the hotel and not even think anything was wrong? Did she know when she left who she was?

Surreal. All of it was surreal. Her own thoughts made no sense to her and she couldn't place when she had ceased to be whoever she was.

It just happened.

Stuart sat on the stool in front of her bed, made a notation on his clip board before turning his soft kind gray eyes on her. She wanted to think he reminded her of someone, with his slightly graying hair and bushy brows. But for all she knew there wasn't anyone at all that looked like that in her life.

"I won't lie to you or pretend this is anything less than it is. The questions you were asked earlier…the date, who you are, if you remember anything…etc. Will be asked many times. However, not by me. I'm concerned with one thing while you are under my care. Your health. Now, you feel stressed by all the hoopla…nurses, other doctors etc., you give me a holler. I'll send them away, okay?"

Lois found herself giving a slight bemused smile, everyone had been nice, and right off someone had come down from what she imagined was the psych department to make sure she was 'sound' if not memory-less. Still, she couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

"Because stress isn't going to make anything better. Also with your medical history…" he shook his head.

"So...I am Lois Lane."

He nodded, "Yes you are. Not just cause Superman says so missy. No, you are definitely Miss Lane, and you were even seen in this hospital three years ago." He lifted up a paper to look further down her chart, "Ah…yes the lab explosion."

She didn't have a response to that. She definitely didn't feel like a 'Lois' and with how he said her name she had a feeling she was somewhat of a celebrity, or someone who was known well enough like one. Or perhaps she had a thing for getting herself involved with explosions, some sort of expert?

As if sensing her thoughts the Doctor added, "You were the one who named him Superman. The exclusive interview. You're a journalist."

"Oh..." Lois looked down at her hands. Not sure what to think about any of that. At least it explained how she had any sort of a relationship with the super hero.

"Now don't start fretting, all this means is you can get on the road to recovery a lot faster. None of the trying to figure out who you are bit on our end. And sometimes," he patted her hand, "all it takes is the right face and all the memories come rushing back. In the mean time you focus on the moment okay."

Lois gave him a strange look, "Shouldn't you be encouraging me to 'try' to remember "

"You'll have plenty of other people doing that. I'm no expert but it seems to me that right now you must be feeling really confused, overwhelmed and who knows what else…" He got his answer in the sudden shift in her eyes, "exactly. So instead of pushing something that will only come when it's good and ready you might as well learn to deal with the now."

"The moment, I don't even know what that is" Lois found herself blurting in reply. Blushing a second after for the way she said it and the fact she did.

They exchanged a long stare when her eyes finally met his. He shook his head gently, "It means you take everything moment by moment, rather than trying to rush forward. "

Lois nodded thoughtfully, "so…do you really believe I could see a face and suddenly," she snapped her fingers, "I remember it all"

"It's happened. It's a maybe…and lucky for you, a familiar face will be here shortly."

Lois felt a sudden clenching in her stomach, like she was going to be sick. It must have been written all over her face.

"Scared?"

She nodded. "I don't know how I am supposed to be. I mean what if they come and I'm apparently like this uptight B*tch or what if they aren't the greatest…I'm stuck. And yet I can't just…not." Lois could feel the tears threaten, "How in the hell am I supposed to feel?"

"Exactly like you are." he gave her a sympathetic smile." We need to get you in for another scan. It's a slow night so why don't I see if I can bump you up the list and give you a little more time?"

"Okay." She swallowed, "I feel like coward."

"You're not. " Stuart stood "And I don't think you need to worry about who's coming to get you."

"Why? How do you know?"

"Because Superman said you two were close. He's your fiancé, Clark Kent. You also work with him."

Lois looked away. She had to admit it helped to know that Superman felt they were close, and had told her more than once someone who loved her would be coming. If they were friends, her and Superman, than surely he'd know how her fiancé was. How she herself had felt about this Clark Kent.

"Alright. Can you still see about the scan? I really don't like hospitals ..." She frowned, "At least I don't think I do."

"Not a problem." with that, Stuart left the room leaving Lois with her thoughts.

She got up off the hospital bed, trying to decide what to do with herself. With no memory of her life there wasn't a great deal of personal topics to think about. Neither was she was sure of the date, year, or even where exactly she was, though she had a faint recollection of one of the doctors telling her before.

Turning she settled for looking out the window. In the early morning pre-dawn darkness the hospital outdoor lighting flooded out like watch lights at a prison, giving a somewhat forbidding feel to it all, adding to her sensation of being in a tunnel looking out. She had all these feelings but yet couldn't quite believe any of it was real.

Even the conversation with Stuart, that had just taken place, now felt like a dream.

Lifting a finger to touch a pane of glass Lois traced the outline of a drop of water. It had started to rain shortly after Superman had found her, which now had become a drizzle, the kind that made clothes cling to skin. Somehow the weather seemed appropriate with the wind causing the bare tree's to wave long arms out at the bleak dark autumn sky. As if they were searching for the warmth of the sun, trying to take back the summer before winter stole all traces of it.

In that moment she felt like one of those trees. Trying to recall anything at all of whom she was. All she had was a , some names - words. Lois and Clark. Journalist, and Superman. Like leaves long blown away she didn't seem able to pull a trace of her former self from any of it.

Gawd was she always this philosophical?

"Lois…Lois Lane."

She repeated over and over, moving away from the window and its dreary poetic view to head into the bathroom.

The mirror gave her no more answers than the trees and wind. So she had dark chocolate brown hair, hazel green/brown eyes, and a nose that was a little too pert for her liking.

Looking down she had to admit she had nice breasts. She pulled the hospital gown tighter around her, thankful it wasn't one of those ridiculous ones that were made to show off patients' bare backsides. As if others wanted to see sickly or wounded ass.

Just as she was about to check out more of herself, curves and all that, her-not really her name-was called.

A tall hospital orderly stood with a wheel chair at her door. Causing her to briefly wonder why it was assumed she couldn't walk because she had amnesia.

The thought didn't linger long enough to stop the earlier stomach knot from feeling heavy once more as she was reminded that soon she'd be meeting her fiancé, a man she couldn't remember.

ღ

He sat nervously in the little office. Unable to stop his knee from bouncing up and down. Clark had known when he arrived he wouldn't immediately be able to see her. While he had never imagined himself in this situation he had once been witness to another couple dealing with it.

A man had been found wandering away from a really bad car accident. Superman had brought him to the hospital and witness the doctors trying to calm his wife. She had wanted to see him but apparently he had no memory of who he was much less her. Clark could remember the doctor trying to get her to listen enough to explain it all to her.

Now it was his turn to receive the explanation.

The door opened and man with slightly graying hair came in and gave Clark a long look before he sat down. Taking in Clark as he did the doctor.

As they exchanged introductions Clark noted the shift in the man's body language from uncertainty to being more at ease. He seemed to have found approval. It made him feel that while Lois was here she was in good hands.

"Mr. Kent, I'm sorry that I had to call you in here. I know you must be anxious to see her."

"Yes I am and you can call me Clark." Trying to keep himself calm.

Stuart nodded, "Clark…" he seemed at a loss on how to begin for a second." As you know Lois has amnesia and before you can see her I need you to understand what that fully means."

Swallowing Clark asked, hearing the tremor in his own voice, "Okay. First though is she going to be alright?"

"If you mean physically …yes. Other than a bruise on the back of her neck I can find no signs of physical trauma. She had a CT scan and MRI before you arrived. Neither of those shows brain damage. "

"A bruise..." Clark frowned. How? And when had she received the bruise on the back of her neck? When they had made love it wasn't there. That meant some point between him leaving the hotel to attend Superman duties and her wandering out of the hotel she had.

His stomach turned. Knowing she had this bruise, no matter how small it might be, meant that something happened and he wasn't there to stop it. That thought meant facing the idea she was attacked. His only solace was that the hotel clerk had act like she was fine, minus her attire. _But what if she had been..._

"Yes there is a bruise, it's possible she stumbled into something in her disorientation. When Superman found her she had been wandering and that's not unusual. It's called a fugue state. A type dissociative memory disorder, mostly commonly seen in war veterans, other than no memory of whom they are one of symptoms is to wander."

Clark nodded but the frown remained on his face, "What I don't understand is how?" he rubbed a hand through his hair before looking at the Doctor for answers. "How did this happen? She was fine. We fell asleep and when I woke a bit later she was gone." It was the closest thing to the truth he could give.

"Mr. Kent... Clark, sometimes people keep things to themselves, or face a situation they can't handle – such as loss of a loved one or an accident. The mind refuses to process it and ..."

Clark interrupted shaking his head violently, "Look. Lois isn't like that! We did lose someone a while back but Lois hasn't been hiding from her grief, we've grieved together. And I don't know anything else. I just..."

"I'm not trying to cast judgment. But without evidence of a physical reason for her condition coupled with her current state of mind, I have to consider that this stems from an emotional or psychological trauma" Stuart felt for the man. It was obvious how much this was affecting him too.

Clark calmed himself down. It wasn't the Doctors fault, he was only following the evidence. Even if it was totally wrong. "Okay"

"Is Lois on any medications?"

"No" Clark started to reply before he remembered, "Wait...no. She's been on something for high blood pressure before, I'm not sure though if she can take it right now. We just... we have a 9 month old."

Stuart nodded, "Okay, it is possible this is caused by something she took or was exposed too. But you need to be prepared that may not be the case. I'm waiting for a few more blood tests to come back. Can you think of anything last night that could have caused this?"

Clark sighed, he had already answered some of these questions before and just like then he went through their day and evening together. Nothing was out of place. He hung his head, "No I can't."

Sensing the misplace blame the younger man was throwing on himself, Stuart decided to move on. "Right now it's like a dream for Lois and when she 'wakes' she won't likely remember any of this and she could have very minor memory loss or more severe. This isn't my area of expertise but typically when this state ends she'll experience varying emotions, guilt, shame, fear. "

"How long doctor before this ends?" He just wanted her back. He needed to be able to help her. "Is there anything I can do?"

"It could end any time or last for days. I can't say. If she feels comfortable enough it would be good for her to go home and she needs to see someone who can help her deal now and after." Stuart picked up a brochure and passed it over, "This is an option. It might be the best help you can give her, they have a memory department."

Clark took the brochure and the almost permanent frown he had been wearing changed to an angry grimace. The Lily of Hope Medical Center, Lex Luthor's just recently re-opened project. The very reason they were even there in New Jersey.

"No." Clark was amazed he kept his voice level, "I'd rather have her at home in Metropolis, we'll see someone there". Just because they couldn't find anything suspect about the research center itself didn't mean he was going to bring Lois anywhere near it. Anything to do with Lex was bad news, even if was above board. Staying at one of his hotels was one thing, doctors on his pay roll were something else entirely.

Stuart nodded, "Why don't we go see Lois if she is willing I can release her tomorrow, I'd like to observe for a while."

Standing Clark swallowed back the lump in his throat. Would she leave with him?

ღ

Lois sat on the bed, the robe she had been found in wrapped around her. Despite having no memories to associate with it she felt comforted by the action. The scans done, more blood taken, she sat and thought.

Problem was there wasn't exactly a whole lot to think about.

She was tired, and trying to remember anything when it wasn't there was exhausting if not frustrating. It felt easier to just be. Contemplate the color scheme of her hospital room, why TV channels the hospital room were showing infomercials. You'd think considering patients were in the hospital that there would be more options so they wouldn't have to be put through more agony. _Who in the world care about a Japanese knife set when they were laid up? _In her case she didn't even know if she needed one.

The initial shock of realizing her current predicament had now worn off. Yeah, she still felt a little afraid but now mostly she just felt like she was floating or it was a dream.

Unreal, that's what it came down too. It was all unreal.

There was a knock at her door and Lois glanced up thankful to escape the useless contemplation. Her heart dropped when from behind Doctor Stuart she saw another man, one she knew wasn't a doctor.

Her fiancé. It had to be.

That little bit of fear doubled if not tripled. Fidgeting with the edge of the of her robe tie Lois reminded herself she could do this. Superman endorsed her fiancé, and she wasn't going to get memories back if she avoided her life.

Yet she couldn't completely avoid the sensation that she was waiting for something bad to happen. It had been there for a while, it was if her body was on edge for something her mind couldn't remember.

"Lois, you have a visitor. Up for it?"

Taking a deep breath Lois nodded. Though inwardly frowning at how alien her name sounded to her.

The man followed Doctor Stuart into the room and she could see from his expression he was trying not to have any expectations of her. She couldn't explain how she knew, just that she did.

He cleared his throat and gave her a small smile, "Hi Lois... uh...I ... " He seemed at a loss on how to finish that sentence.

Lois found herself quipping "Clark Kent? My fiancé... Doctor Stuart told me you would be coming."

He nodded causing his ridiculous thick rimmed glasses to slide forward just a little. Lois swept her eyes over him, taking in the slightly slumped shoulders on a bigger frame. He would have been a taller man if he stood straight. Also would have be a better looking man without the glasses and uptight dress style. A light green pullover and tan slacks. For some reason the whole ensemble made her think nerd at a spelling bee. The only thing missing was tape on the nose bridge of his glasses.

Neither now knew what to say. Lois couldn't think of anything to add and Clark didn't seem to have a clue either.

Doctor Stuart wasn't suffering the same issues.

He turned to Lois, "Lois I'd like to release you tomorrow." He glanced at the clock, "More accurately later today. I think if you are willing it would be good for you to go home with Mr. Kent and be with people who care about you." He gave her a significant look.

Clark watched as Lois and Stuart exchanged glances before she turned to look back at him. Once again she stared and he battled with himself for the umpteenth time since walking into the room not to go over to her. Hold her, kiss her... touch her.

It was maddening. To stand in the room with Lois and not be able to express how he felt to her. To see no recognition in her eyes or to have a clue what to say to her.

_Hi, Lois I'm Clark can I take you home hold you tight, help you remember. I promise I don't bite._

Any words seemed either laughable or inadequate. So he stood tongue tied and he couldn't keep that up if she came with him.

Oh how he ached to touch her as her hazel eyes focused on his. He held her stare trying to convey all he felt without words.

After what felt like an eternity, she gave a slight nod her eyes never left his, "I'll go".

Still in the trapped in her stare Clark was almost certain for a brief second he saw his Lois looking back at him.

A drop of hope in an ocean of fear.

_Come back to me Lois... come back to me._

ღ

"Milk now...milk!"

"It's coming Mikey, just give papa a minute" Jimmy looked down into the light green eyes of his two year old son and smiled.

"Milk..."

"Yes Mikey" the boy had the insistence of his mother that was for sure.

The TV blaring in the other room almost drowned out the phone. Jimmy just barely caught the sound of it ringing. Dashing he grabbed it quickly off the end table in the little apartment living room before answering, "Hello.." it came out a bit strangled as he stepped on a duplo.

_"__Jimmy, I'm so glad I caught you."_To his surprise it was Martha Kent.

The TV though had made it hard to completely hear her. Grabbing the remote he turned it way down and earned a protest from his eldest. He sent a warning glare.

"Mrs. Kent… uh...hi, how are you?"

_"__I'm fine, sorry I've not been able to come see you and the boys for a while."_

"It's okay…I..."

_"__Jimmy, I have bad news and I need your help!"_Jimmy frowned as he headed back into the kitchen to give his impatient son his sippy cup of milk. It wasn't like Martha to sound so... worried...upset.

It brought with it painful memories. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to continue to the fridge as he asked, "What's happened? Has something happened to Bit...?"

_"__No, it's Lois. I'm not sure on the details but Clark just called. They are coming home early. Jimmy Lois doesn't remember who she is and I need to head up to Metropolis to be there for Clark. He doesn't want Bits there."_

Jimmy felt his hand begin to shake. He knew it shouldn't upset him as much as it did, but the memories were still too fresh. He didn't know what to say about Lois or Clark so he replied, "I'll take her. The boys and I could do with some company. "

_"__Thank you… I'll bring her this afternoon. You'll be okay? She's done well with them away for a couple of days but that could change."_

"We'll be fine. I might not be grandma but it will be alright." He found by focusing on the children he could keep his head clear, "Clark will need you."

Once off the phone and Mikey satisfied, Jimmy pulled a chair out and sat down at the kitchen table. His eyes falling on the messy apartment. They'd have a lot of cleaning to do before it would be baby proofed but in some ways he was glad he'd be busy. Weekends when he didn't work and he was home always felt so heavy unless he found something for them all to do.

Idle hands meant remembering and that meant pain. Something he could do without.

Jared came in a moment later to cross his arms at his dad, "Mikey spilled his milk, now I can't sit on the couch."

"I'll take care of it. Jared… we have Bits for a day or two. Aunt Lois isn't feeling so good. I need you to pick up all your stuff."

"Dad!"

Jimmy settled him with a long stare, "Come on trooper… besides you help me out big right now and I think we could work in an afternoon at the arcade."

From sullen disappointment to a wide grin to much like his mother's Jared went whooping out of the room, grabbing his scattered toys as he did.

Shaking his head, Jimmy let his gaze wander back to the fridge where a picture of her smiling face looked back at him.

"They are so your boys."

ஐ

Good, bad.. give me some cookies.


	3. Chapter 2 - Confusion

******A/N: **A nightmare to post.. or even finish. My week has not gone all that well. But here it is and though I'm not in love with the update I'm postin it. It ended up being longer than I had planned due to the fact Clois sometimes doesn't know when to shut up

* * *

**Chapter 2: Confusion**

ღ

It was a strange sensation to know that just hours before the world had been one way and now was an entirely different reality. Lois found she couldn't escape the surreal haze she was trapped in. The haze was, it seemed, just as much a part of this new reality as her lost identity.

She went from the streets of some new jersey city, to superman's arms, to a hospital bed and now a jet with a man who was her previous reality's fiancé. Surreal really didn't cover it.

Hours before, not long in fact after she agreed to go home with him, Clark asked if she'd feel more comfortable flying home privately.

******7 hours before**

"A jet?" She really hadn't expected that, but to be fair she didn't have any thing to draw expectations from either.

"Yes, it's an option, we have a friend who'd be happy to loan it out."

"You fly?"

And of course she'd ask that.

"No," ___..Yes, just not like that._ "Not me." ___Liar. _"I just meant that we could go home privately rather than you dealing with the airport and 2nd class seats." Clark knew how much Lois hated flying second class and airports, actually the only flying she liked was in his arms. The Daily planet, however, hadn't been all that willing to shell out for 1st class.

"Of course it's up to you.." He just wanted her to be comfortable. If that meant she wasn't ready to be alone with him that was okay too.

Lois nodded absentmindedly as she wondered about what she would prefer. After a moment though the choice became pretty clear when she thought about how crazy an airport would be or unsavory flying was.

It was weird to know what she knew about airports, to even be able to picture being stuck behind someone who kept passing gas while the person behind her repeatedly kicked her seat. Yet, she couldn't recall when that had happened or anything surrounding it.

Since she was already so lost and confused, being around a bunch of strangers, rather than one wouldn't be the best route to go. "I think the jet would be nice… so, who's this friend that he would have his own jet?" Wondering how they even knew someone with that kind of money.

And another loaded question. "Uh Oliver Queen," Clark replied watching her intently wondering if their friend's name would spark something. Her face gave no sign of recognition, instead she stared at him as if waiting for more of an explanation. Inwardly sighing, not because it bothered him to answer her questions but because he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to answer some of them, or how much to say.

"He's the CEO of Queen industries who has the controlling shares of the Daily Planet." Much to Luthor's dismay.

"Where we work right?'

"Yes"

Lois nodded. Daily planet world-famous newspaper..er news source. Clark Kent her partner and fiancé. Friends with the CEO of Queen industries who practically owned her job. There was definitely more to all of that, but for now she'd stick with the basics.

So now they sat with the hum of the jet acting as a pressure reliever for the silence between them. Lois sat quietly, looking out the window not really seeing any of it as she was more than aware of the man sitting across from her. He was trying not to stare but kept failing. She said nothing about it, couldn't really blame him when she had moments of doing the same to him.

Sometimes she stared because she was trying to understand him, other times she was trying to fathom herself through him. Studying him was both confusing and reassuring. Confusing because she felt there was something underneath the demeanor and geeky look, a hidden aspect of the man. Yet reassuring because in the short time they had spent together she had felt nothing but his sincerity, his genuine care.

Maybe she was wrong to trust her feelings but with no memories all she had ___was_ her feelings, her instincts to go by. Somehow she knew that even with memories she'd be sticking with her gut.

When it came to understanding anything about herself through him she gathered one clear image, whoever she was before was someone he felt very close to. It was written in his mannerisms, his facial expressions. She could tell he was trying hard not to crowd her, that he wanted to touch her but restrained himself.

Lois had no idea how to feel about it beyond the idea that at least it wasn't a case of her being some sort of witch to him. It bothered her far more than she wanted to admit that how she was to others mattered. At this point she only had her fiance and Superman to go by, a positive image that took off some of the fear and stress. Being guilty for crimes- emotional, legal or otherwise would have been a bit too much to deal with.

Clark couldn't, despite every single attempt and bit of will power in him, keep his eyes off her. She was without a doubt his weakness just as much as she was his strength. A strength he was unable to find solace in at this time. Instead he had to be hers which was easier said than done when he was a stranger to her and he found himself constantly unsure of what to say.

He wasn't as tongue-tied as before. Thankful that he'd been allowed to stay with her through the remainder of the night. They had talked, mostly chit-chat, idle conversation brought on by things like infomercials and then there was the strange conversation about cocoa. It seemed important to her to know what she liked to drink and if cocoa was high on the list.

Clark knew he needed to find a way to help her and break the ice further between them. It wasn't that she was unfriendly or even seemed bothered by him, nor was she shy of asking questions, but the silences between them were killing him. Suddenly he found himself taking her traits as if to fill in the hole she left.

It was disconcerting. Clark Kent uncomfortable with uncomfortable silences while Lois sat quiet and calm.

As if she could sense his unease, She turned to look at him, sitting across on the other side of the jet with a little cup of juice sitting on the little fold out table in front of her. "I.. I uh.. I guess" Lois began, sitting up straighter in her seat.

Clark did the same, while adjusting his glasses as he waited for her to continue.

"I suppose I should learn a little about myself while we're here." She gave a slight shrug of her shoulder. Looking suddenly very vulnerable and lost.

The urge to comfort her was quelled for the hundredth time since he had found her this way.

"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry I should have.."

"No..no it's okay. I know your trying to be careful, give me space."

"I still should have asked."

Lois shook her head before leaning it back against the head rest of her seat. " I don't know where to start. Uh" She looked back at him, "How long have uh.. we " she flicked a finger between them, "been together?"

Oh she was good. Even with amnesia the woman could throw the awkward questions at him.

Not totally sure how to answer that, not when it included the subject of Superman.

"I didn't think it was that hard of a question" She remarked softly at his hesitation.

Clark gave a soft sigh, "No, it's not. Sorry.. um, It's kinda different depending on who you ask. " ___Oh that made a lot of sense..not._

Obviously agreeing with his unspoken thought Lois raised an eyebrow. "Well if someone was to say ask me, when I remembered of course, what would I have said?"

A smile appeared on his face which only intrigued her more. "What's so funny?"

"We use to argue about this. You'd say 10 and I'd say 9. Basically, we had this sort of year where we were kinda a couple, but we weren't." He shook his head.

"Okay.." he was going to have to explain that again later, "so years. But we're not married?"

The smile fell a little, Lois could tell that was a painful subject. Before she could retract her question he went ahead and answered.

"Two years after we became a couple, I asked. That year though wasn't the best year, I mean we were good just there was some issues, things that happened," ___The kind that separated us for months. _"And we put it off. After another year we tried, went through whole planning but again." ___Another time of unwanted separation._ Clark ran a hand through his hair. "It just got to be complicated. We were finally planning it again when.."

"This happened. " Lois finished for him. They didn't seem like the luckiest pair if they had been trying to marry off and on for 8 or 7 years.

Obviously feeling a need to change the subject Lois found a question thrown at her in return, "Do you remember anything?"

She shook her head, "Not really. Sometimes I get flashes of things happening but they are so vague and give me nothing to work with. Like I remember being on an airplane but not who I was with or where I was going. I remember Superman and I'm pretty sure I dislike vegetables."

He nodded and went quiet for a second before asking quietly, "What um..do you remember about Superman? I just .." He gave a deep sigh, " you don't have to answer.." he trailed off.

It didn't take a genius to see that he was trying to be okay with how she remembered something about Superman and nothing of him. Lois could imagine how hard it was for him, to want just as much as she did for her to remember but unable to make it happen. The difference was he had the burden of memories and all the emotions that came with them while she lived in a blank void of confusion with nothing to guide her.

She could, at least, help him like he was trying to help her. Give him the little bit of truth she had, " I don't really 'remember' him exactly. I know him like.." She rolled her eyes trying to find the right analogy, "The way I know about World War II or that I hate hospitals."

"I see." Was Clarks soft reply.

"Do you know him?" She asked. Clark looked up from studying his hands to her face. Such a simple question, but it brought with it a history between them. One he couldn't explain the way he wanted to, at least not now.

Keep it simple Kent. "I do. The three of us were friends." Friends. The thought broke the dam he had been trying to keep up against the flood of memories he didn't want to deal with in that moment.

Oh how he missed her, even when she was Mad Dog Lane and after his throat.

___He heard her coming long before she arrived. Every curse, including his birth on krypton, she made under her breath, every person she almost ran into on the way and the resulting unfriendly exchange reached his ears. Reporters could be a temperamental bunch, at least those with a competitive nature at the Daily Planet and she was one of the worst, and in moments like this she wanted him to know she was coming._

___Clark sighed, not really looking forward to the confrontation. He knew when he had made the choice she would be furious at him and he hated making her so. However, this situation was getting out of hand and this was the only way to get her attention._

___For the average human the sound of her high heels clicking hard and fast against the floor would have been a signal to flee. But for the Man of Steel it was a preëmpt to possible war. One he hoped to avoid._

_"____Who the hell do you think you are?" Lois came into their office giving new meaning to bat out of hell with the fury written on her face. She slammed the door behind her as she parked herself in front of his desk where he sat._

_"____Do you honestly think being my partner in any sense of the word gives you the right to do this?" She threw the rolled up paper into his chest with as much force as she could muster._

_"____Lois…" He tried to begin as he unrolled the paper, revealing the headline that he had in a way stolen from her. It had been devious he knew but it was worth it if he could get through to her. He was relieved though she had caught wind of it before it went to print._

___She pointed down at him "No! You look here, Clark Kent, soon to be bachelor of steel. " Any other time he may have laughed at that but with her tone of voice and anger in her eyes there was nothing to laugh at. "You changed my article and you think you can come up with an excuse for this. I don't think so, I'm not going to stand here while you reason your way out of it. It was low, underhanded, assine and…"_

___Clark clenched his jaw. Hating the look of hurt that had begun to walk hand in hand with the rage._

_"____I don't want to reason my way out of this. I want to talk to you." He wasn't entirely sure he had put that the right way with how her jaw dropped._

_"____Excuse me?"_

___Clark stood to face her, "Lois I tried three times to get you to hold off. "_

_"____What are you talking about? Get me to hold off?"_

_"____Lois you dismissed me twice and third time I was called away. But I tried to tell you, if you kept the interview as it was…"_

_"____That?! Clark, you agreed to do the interview. So because I don't listen you rewrite it, I'm surprised you left my name on it!"_

___He found himself frowning. Clark knew she'd be pissed and he could understand it. But the extent of it bothered him, no angered him a little. Accusing him of rewriting it like she was, was in truth a little unfair._

_"____Did you actually read any of my changes? Or did you just see a difference and assume…"_

___Lois took a step back and blinked at him, "You wanna go there? You took out a whole question and answer. You reworded at least five of my sentences completely."_

___Taking a deep breath to calm himself Clark nodded, "Yes I did. But I didn't rewrite the interview."_

_"____So you're excused?"_

_"____No, but I have your attention now."_

___She laughed and it wasn't the kind that he loved to hear. "You have my attention …Ever hear of a sticky note? Email? I dunno pillow talk? Oh…" She waved her hands in the air, "stabbing me in the back. That's an attention getter!"_

_"____Lois!"_

_"____What if it had gone to print?" she shook her head and moved further away from him, he could see she was shaking a little._

___Great Kent, you really did it this time. Dumb ass._

___Somehow he had to fix this and get her to see that he meant no real harm, that he was trying to prevent what was already a precarious situation from getting worse._

_"____Lois, listen to me" She started to open his mouth and he gave her a look he rarely did in the guise of Clark Kent. Lois clamped her mouth shut but glared daggers at him. At least she was quiet, "It would have never made it to print. Why do you think you got wind of it before it did? I wanted you to see it before it would ever get that far. Lois I'm not out to steal your article, I just want your undivided attention. "_

___He watched her take a deep breath. Still really angry but now he really did have her attention as what she thought was him undermining her was obviously not that simple._

___Since he had come out as Superman everything had become ten times more complicated, including their relationship, all aspects of it. Work, love, friendship, competition…all of it seemed to have gone into an upheaval._

___It wasn't to say it was bad or damaged, just different and messy. Including the attention the public was giving to Superman and Lois Lane which had an unfortunate consequence that Lois didn't seem to be seeing._

___He needed her to see it because losing her would kill him. He was too far gone to ever be able to do this without her._

___Lois kept the distance between them but her tone was less hostile, "I'll bite, why did you do this? What exactly have I been dismissing?"_

___Giving an inward groan, Clark put aside the other issues his words may have caused to focus on the current one. Everything else he could repair later._

___He hoped._

___Clark opened a drawer on his desk and pulled out a copy of Lois' original interview. He glanced at her as he picked up the famous Lane red correction pen. She raised an eyebrow but said nothing, so he continued feeling a little more positive this would end well._

___He circled a number of words and or sentences on it before handing the interview over to her. His hand shook as he did, something he knew she noticed._

_"____Lois, look…really look at it."_

___Frowning Lois took it calmly and read it over, her frown deepening as she did. Clark realized he was holding his breath as he waited for her, mostly certain she'd catch the meaning behind it._

___After a minute she looked up and gave a great sigh before turning to look out their office window._

_"____I'm not sure what to say. "_

_"____Lois, you don't have to say anything."_

___She turned to look back at him, "Yes, I do. How did I not notice this?!" She held up the paper. "I'm the one usually pointing these things out to you! So when did I become blind?"_

_"____You're not blind. You're busy…you've been juggling a lot more like I have." He took a step towards her and was relieved when she didn't seem to object to it. "Lately we've been crisscrossing our wires and tripping over our own feet."_

___She nodded and took her own step towards him. He could tell that the anger had been replaced with disappointment in herself. He didn't want that._

_"____Clark, I'm sorry if I dismissed this earlier… I shouldn't have."_

___Clark shook his head, "Lois, I don't need an apology. To be honest I feel I need to. I should have found a better way to get your attention. It just was so frustrating when I couldn't seem to get a moment alone with you to do so. We did the interview and Superman has been constantly busy."_

_"____Don't I know it, the one night I was home, I ate dinner alone." She frowned again. "Apology accepted if you accept mine, because I hold some of the blame for our lack of communication to. Sad thing is, I think you needed to get my attention this way." She gave a sigh and ran a hand over the top of her hair as if to smooth it down when it didn't need it. A sign of her internal agitation._

_"____Lois…" He began but she shook her head at him._

_"____No, seriously Smallville. I was caught up in the excitement of it all." Lois looked up into his eyes and smiled. "You see I'm in love with this hero and being able to help, even if it's by interviewing him and getting the right amount of truth out, is important to me."_

___Clark smiled back, "Nothing wrong with that. But we do have a problem."_

___Lois again nodded and then to his surprise she punched his shoulder, "Even so, you try that tactic again I'll hurt you."_

_"____I won't."_

_"____Good." She sat down in her chair and glanced at the red marked interview again. "I know this is a problem Clark, and I'm not dismissing your concern but are you sure it's that much of a problem?"_

___Grabbing his own chair he rolled it over so he could sit knee to knee with her while they discussed the issue. "Yes, Lois… people think you're in love with Superman."_

_"____I am" She was teasing him._

_"____They don't need to know that. " He rolled his eyes. "Let me put it this way. It looks like Lois Lane and Superman might be more than friends and it's pretty widely known that Lois is now engaged to her partner Clark Kent."_

_"____There is always that kind of talk, you know this. Since you're début there has been rumors and tabloid garbage. We need to just ignore it."_

_"____We can't just ignore it when it makes you a target." Clark returned, "Whether or not Superman likes blondes or brunettes or if he has a secret identity isn't important. Besides being a target do you really want to be seen as Superman's lover?"_

___Lois folded her arms, "You think they'd make that assumption from an occasional interview? Do you really think it's that big a deal?"_

___He mirrored her, crossing his arms over his own chest. "As you pointed out there is the celebrity thing and Superman has saved you how many times in the last three months? It takes less for people to match up movie stars with each other. "_

___With an imploring look Clark uncrossed his arms and leaned forward, "Lois, what if someone with an agenda, someone who wants to hurt Superman gets the idea to use you because of this?" he took a deep breath and picked up one of her hands holding it between his. "I can't ignore that. You are too important to me to not consider the possibility."_

___Lois kept her hands in his, remaining quiet, she stared at her blank computer screen. Clark waited patiently for her to think about it. Normally he'd agree with her, just ignore it but something about it all unsettled him and having to save her repeatedly lately reinforced the idea._

___Eventually she turned her gaze back to him, her voice soft, a clear indication that she understood the gravity of what he was getting at. "I've always been a target, Clark. I'm not sure we can change that. I can't undo the image we're friends, Superman and Lois have been so before you had the title Superman."_

_"____No, we can't undo that. I'm not asking for it either. Just that…"_

_"____I need to tone it down." She interrupted and he nodded._

___Lois pressed her lips together in thought, "I can do that but what if we somehow worked Clark Kent into the equation?"_

___Clark furrowed his brows confused, "Lois?"_

___Pulling her hand out of his, Lois moved her mouse awakening her computer. "What if Clark Kent also became Superman's friend, tone down the Lois/Superman friendship and added you. It would decrease the affair gossip and make less of my relationship with the hero. I'd just be one of several friends. I'll rework the interview, we can add your name to the byline."_

_"____Okay." He knew that was the best she could promise him and perhaps adding himself into the equation would make a difference. "I'm sorry Lois. It's just I love you so much and I know if anything were to happen to you because of who I am…I…"_

___Lois gave him a loving soft smile, "I know Smallville, I know." She picked up his hand and rubbed her thumb over his knuckles in comfort. "Though I can honestly say that 90 % of the time any danger I'm in finds me because of who I am as a reporter or a Lane…take your pick"_

_"____That doesn't exactly make me feel better Lois. It still leaves 10% cause of me and you in trouble that 90% anyway. " He looked at her over the rim of his glasses in exasperation._

_"____Honey, I didn't say 10% was you. You're more like 2% "_

___Clark sighed but appreciated the change of mood, "Lois, still not making me feel better. That leaves a lot of trouble."_

___Her smile changed to a playful grin as moved from her chair into his lap, putting her arms around his neck, "Clark you can't control how trouble finds me or how something's are just the way they are. Like how 5 % is for living in Metropolis."_

_"____At least it's not Gotham. So what about the last 3%?"_

___Lois nodded then laughed. "Oh that? That is for those times when I get possessed or attacked and it has nothing to do with any of the other stuff."_

___Clark snorted and returned her smile. "It always has to do with the 'other' stuff."_

___At her scowl he leaned forward and captured her lips in a deep kiss. Amazed once again at how lucky he was to have her._

It was funny in a painful way the truth of the statement. We're friends. Both Clark and Superman, aspects of himself, as Lois use to tease his own personal chicken and the egg. Or the more preferred analogy two sides of the same coin. Now he was back to being separate men in her eyes and it killed him. One thing he never wanted was to be in this position again.

To tell her or not? And when?

Questions he hoped to answer after they saw Emil that afternoon.

ღ

Martha came into the waiting room juggling three cups of coffee, good coffee since she had no intention of subjecting Lois further. Her eyes fell on her son who held his head in his hands. His colour was back but she could still see the signs of exhaustion. Only two things could make Clark like this, grief or worry over his family.

It had broken her heart earlier when she had arrived and Lois went with Emil, to have Clark pull her into a hug. The sort a child gave to their mother when in need of comfort. She had held him and whispered reassurances that Lois would be okay. That he could do this.

Now she could only hope it would be. Not that she didn't believe Clark and Lois could over come this but with the loss of Chloë not even a year ago, she was reminded that somethings were painfully beyond their control.

Placing the coffee, destined to go cold, carefully down Martha sat beside her son, rubbing a hand up and down his back. Thankful they had the waiting room to themselves. Emil had apparently made sure to reorganized his schedule so they would have privacy, well not just because of that. The clinic served a particular type of clientele they weren't prepared to explain to Lois yet.

One of Chloe's legacies, the clinic. A project her and Emil had thrown themselves into, to help the meteor infected and keep them from turning to those who'd take advantage of them. Eventually it also served as a backup for treating heroes and a place to take their families and avoid unwanted questions. The meteor infected were only portion of who the clinic helped so it had a reasonable cover, helped the rest of the community as well.

Sliding scale fee, no questions asked policy. Funded by charities supported by Wayne enterprises and Queen industries kept it out of Luthor's hands and influence.

It was where she had brought Bits in for her last checkup. Martha was impressed with Dr. Hamilton's ability to adapt to the challenges of a half Kryptonian patient. Also with the continuing care and friendship he had with Clark and Lois.

"Mom is she alright. Should I go see her tonight?" Clark finally looked over at her.

"Clark, she is fine. Misses you but is just fine and if you see her right now she'll want her mom even more. Leave it till tomorrow, she likes Jimmy and the boys ." Martha leaned over and kissed the side of his head. "He promised he'd call if she was having a hard time."

It was a good thing the little girl was easy going. All the best bits of her parents with nothing to weigh her down yet. Martha hoped it would stay that way for a long time.

"Clark, Martha" Emil's voice startled them both.

"Is she okay?" Clark asked standing. Looking as worried as he felt.

Emil held up a hand, "She's fine. She's is in the middle of getting an x-ray at the moment. Why don't we go talk?" He tilted his head towards his office in the back.

Once in his office, Martha with them as Lois would have wanted her there, Emil took a seat behind his desk and opened a folder he placed before them. It was hard to miss the fact the normally sedate Clark Kent was extremely fidgety, and like the mother she was, Martha patted his leg to calm him.

"I gave Lois a physical and looked over the results Doctor Stuart sent me. I agree with his findings though I am concerned about the bruise on her neck. I sent for another x-ray, I also would like to have her go in for second CT scan and MRI to compare with in couple of days."

Clark felt physically sick at the mention of the bruise, his mind focused on that point. "Why are you concerned with the bruise?"

Emil pointed at the photo in the folder, it showed Lois' bruise, "I believe I've seen an identical one recently. Until I remember where I am just investigating further, it may prove to be nothing to worry over. I've told Lois that if any other bruises appear to let me know and I'd like you to watch out for a list of behaviors as well." At the increasingly worried expression on Clark's face, Emil added, "It's all precaution, I don't expect there to be anything to worry about."

"As for her memory. That could change yet and until it does stick with how you've been handling it. Lois doesn't show any signs of distress and trusts you, this is very good Clark, it's the best thing for her. To feel safe and secure, to move at her own pace."

Clark nodded and took a deep breath. Martha knew he needed a minute, "What about Bits? Do you think she can handle finding out she is a mother."

Startled at the question Clark threw her a shocked look, "Mom…"

"Clark, it's a fair question. She doesn't remember being a mom and right now it's confusing. I've only spent five minutes with her so far and I can see it. Yes, she does seem to trust you but piling a baby on it could really throw a wrench in."

Emil nodded, "Give her a day or two if you can. I do think she can handle it and whatever you do, don't lie if she asks. If she continues to make positive adjustments tell her and follow her lead."

Clark knew they were right. Lois, even with memories, sometimes doubted herself as a mother. How much harder would that be if she couldn't remember her own baby? Emil's words on not lying brought up another question. Something a bit bigger than motherhood.

"Do I tell her I'm Superman? And if so, when?"

Emil leaned back more than aware some of Clark's sanity was riding on his answer, "I can't say. The more time you spend with her and the more she re-acclimates to her environment the better equipped she should be to handle that. Clark, I wish I could give you an easy answer. I think overall it's the same one as before. Follow her lead and don't lie if she asks you directly. Keep her trust and it should all be fine."

Fine. Nothing about this was fine. Clark looked over at his mom and felt his heart relax a little when she squeezed his hand. Lois had agreed to Martha staying with them, he wasn't sure why she had but it meant the world to him that his mother would be there, that she'd help them through this.

ღ

Lois glanced down the hall, taking in the fixtures and décor which indicated pricey. How did they afford to be able to live in such a nice apartment building? She thought as she continued to follow Clark down the hall, not sure what to expect when they walked into his, no their apartment.

"This looks like a really nice place."

Glancing at her, Clark nodded, "It is." he gave her a brief friendly smile.

"Not to sound rude but how do we afford it? I mean okay two paychecks but on a journalist pay?"

There she went with the awkward questions again. ___This is was going to be fun._ Clark put the suitcases down as they approached their door. "It was a wedding gift. "

Lois stared at him incredulously. ___Was he for real?_ "But we aren't married."

"We would have been if our wedding hadn't been crashed."

He ___was_ serious. Closing her eyes for a second, Lois decided to ignore the questions that came with that statement and move on.

"I see. So this Oliver Queen guy pays for our apartment too?"

Clark sighed and ran a hand over the back of his neck sheepishly. "No, uh…another friend…"

"Are we in some sort of um, secret society or something or are we just popular in wealthy circles?" She added a smile so he wouldn't think she was being critical. Really she was just intrigued and confused.

Smiling back Clark had to chuckle, her reaction was a little spot on in a way and admittedly funny. "I guess you could say we're popular." ___You have a way of charming heroes._

He decided to go for the business angle to avoid the Superman one. "Oliver and Bruce Wayne, who owns this building.." Something else Luthor hates. "Do business together. We met Bruce that way and became friends."

Clark added a shrug hoping she'd accept that, it was true just not the whole truth. "When we were suppose to get married the last time, Bruce gave us a deal on an apartment. We still pay rent just much more in our price range." Actually Bruce had given them a ridiculous deal but refused to accept no for an answer.___Plus it has better security something which is needed with who I am and who you are._

There was camera's all in the halls, even one their apartment which focused on their front door. As long as they didn't get hot and heavy at the door their privacy was maintained. It was also locked down tightly, non residents could not get in the building unless invited. The extra benefit was the secluded balcony as well, which allowed for his coming and going, a bit of reassurance he wouldn't be accidentally seen.

Lois nodded yawning, "Okay, fair enough." Apparently the day was catching up to her.

Clark noted it and opened the door, "Still hungry or do you want to lay down first?"

"Is there something quick I can eat?" Lois took in the apartment as she stepped in, moving aside so Clark could bring their luggage in.

It was lovely, simple and sweet. She could immediately see the aspects of two people sharing a life together. If she had felt more awake Lois knew she'd probably be able to see bits of who she was in the knickknacks and decorations.

At the fridge Clark opened it and frowned at the bare shelves, glad his mother had decided to pick up some essentials before she came over. He pulled out a yogurt, noting the date on it was still good and placed it on the counter. "You like these. It's sometimes the only way you eat fruit." He smiled at her and got one in return.

"I'm that bad huh?" she took it and the offered spoon, settling herself on a stool at the breakfast bar. Purposely avoiding a look around, she needed time to soak in everything else she had learned that day as well as wanting to be refreshed before she immersed herself in the apartment.

"Yes, well.. vegetables yes. Fruits you like but I've always, I try.. had to.. remind you to eat..right" Clark shook his head slightly at his own word fumbling. Lois just laughed before digging in.

Watching her, Clark realized that she wasn't all that different as he first thought she was. Yes, there was some definite differences but somethings were also very much the same. She seemed to be more Lois like as the hours passed on.

He tried to not let it get his hopes up. Remembering what Emil had said about it taking time.  
One of those differences was very obvious as she sat there and ate her yogurt in silence.

Completely comfortable in what he felt was not a comfortable silence. Maybe it was just because he missed her rambling on about something that it felt uncomfortable. They virtually shared every part of their day, especially over a meal. It was the time to connect and recoup.

It hurt how much he missed her, the her who remembered him.

Yogurt finished she stood up and glanced around for a trash can. Clark held out his hand and disposed of it for her when she passed it over. "I guess I should give you a tour at some point."

"Yeah" Lois yawned again, "Tomorrow though, I know it's early but I'm so tired."

Clark shook his head, "There's no need to apologize. It's been a really long day and neither of us has really slept for a while."

He moved around the counter and gave her a soft smile, "I do think a small tour is necessary right now. I imagine you'd like to use the bathroom."

"Uh yeah! Lead the way" She returned the smile. He could tell she felt awkward but she seemed to be handling it well, seemed to like him.

After showing her where the restroom was Clark made sure both the their bedroom and guest room were comfortable, unsure which one she'd want.

Lois came out a few minutes later with a robe around her. Obviously found the farm yard printed robe hanging up, a gag gift from a few years back.

"Is this mine?" She asked looking a little doubtful.

"It is in the sense you always steal it." He replied amused.

"I take it I do that a lot."

"Yes, it's one of your many.." ___sexy.._ "charms."

And suddenly the awkward hit like a tidal wave. He hadn't meant for her to take it suggestively but she obviously had felt it was. Or she read his mind.

Hoping to make it easier he glanced away and asked, "You can sleep in either bedroom, the guest or…" Great that really didn't help. "My mom is fine with either."

Lois looked between the two rooms he indicated before focusing her attention on the third. Before he could stop her she was at the door, which he had forgotten to close all the way. "Whose room is this?"

Clark watched as her face paled when she opened the door fully. It was very clearly a nursery and that meant she now knew what he had hoped to tell her tomorrow.

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry I was going to tell you. I just wanted to give you a chance to rest before I dropped that on you."

A mother. She was a mother. Glancing down she realized the signs had been there with her body all long, she just hadn't connect it. Lois wasn't sure she was ready to deal with it. The idea of a baby who would obviously need his or her mother, depending on her, was a bit much.

She shook her head, "it's fine..I just, I'm sorry I can't do this right now." Noticing the dent in the door frame she ran a finger along it before glancing at Clark's worried face. "Night."

He nodded. Wanting to reach out to her, make it better. Realizing he had lifted his hand he pulling it back suddenly. "Night.."

Lois turned toward the door to her right then turned back around, "Thank you. Thank you for helping me." Before he could answer she went in. To tired to realize she had chosen their room or to even care.

Sleep was all she could focus on, all she could handle.

Once the door was closed behind her, Clark gave a big sigh. Telling himself she would be alright that she hadn't freaked out. He turned back to look at the gouge in the door frame. Smiling softly, despite himself, he remembered coming home to find a four month pregnant Lois trying to move the rocking chair into the room by herself. A feat she'd normally find easier but her changing body and raging, or crazy as he had once foolishly joked, hormones had left her struggling.

She had been in such a state of anxiety. After he had calmed her and set the chair where she wanted, Lois had sat down in it and implored him with her doleful hazel eyes asking silently for reassurance. Even after all these years with her it could still surprise him how she could be so very strong and brave in some ways, full steam ahead, no holds bar. While in other ways her insecurities could leave her seriously doubting herself and the amazing woman she was. A side of her the world wasn't often privy to, the vulnerability of Lois Lane.

Moving into the room Clark looked down at the chair and closed his eyes. It almost seemed like yesterday if he allowed himself the luxury of pretending that nothing was different now.

_"____Lois it's going to be alright. You know that right?" He had bent down before her._

___Hands sprawled over her small baby bump Lois sighed and nodded, staring down at her lap._

___Clark moved a little closer till he was in between her legs before gently tipping her chin with a caress of his hand to look at him. Once their eyes locked he gave her a small smile, "Our baby is going to be so lucky. An army brat for a mother and a clueless Kryptonian for a father." Bringing up an old joke._

_"____He or she will excel at rebelling against Grandpa Generals and AI's while being Super oblivious to all the amazing things before them?" She quipped. He could hear a touch of amusement in her voice but he knew she needed more._

___Smiling he shook his head, "No…Lois they will learn to be strong and courageous, have a heart for compassion and justice, will accomplish great things because of the most amazing woman."_

___Lois swallowed, "Smallville…I don't know how to be a mom. Amazing as I am," she tried to smile at that but failed, "I don't think I could be anything like your mom, or mine."_

___Leaning fully up so his face was more even with hers Clark cupped her cheek. "You don't have to be like anyone. Lois you have so much love to give and that will make you a wonderful mom all on its own. You have your own experiences to draw from and dreams to pass on." he rubbed his thumb gently along her cheekbone, wiping away the tear that had fallen. "And you'll have me…"_

___A few more tears later Lois had leaned forward touching her forehead to his, "Thank you….you always know what to say, thank you."  
_  
Clark blinked and wiped away a tear. With a shuddering breath he turned to look around the room. Missing Bits, his baby girl and his Lois, the one that remembered tender moments between them, the woman he should be holding now. There wasn't any way he could sleep tonight, especially not on the couch with all the memories it too would hold.

Instead he decided the rocking chair would do. Clark pulled a quilt off the end of the crib and sat down, holding the blanket to his chest as he closed his eyes. Refusing to dwell on the days events or live in the untouchable past.

In the end it was emotional exhaustion from the last 24 hours that claimed him. Lulled to sleep by the steady beating of the heart in the room next door.

ღ

"If you're going to dress like that we'll never make it to our reservation" Lex leaned down to whisper in her ear as he caressed his hands down the shoulders of his new bride standing in front of the full length mirror. Her strapless violet colored dress showed off her long legs and hugged every curve, her dark black hair hug down in silky waves framing an exotic face that tempted him to call and cancel at that moment.

Arianna smirked at his reflection, "We do that and you'll be kicking yourself later Mi amor" She turned in his arms, smiling up at him for a moment before she slide out of his hold and moved away, "Now go. Plenty of time for that later, I promise."

Lex sighed knowing she was right, watching as she went over to her dresser and began to put on her earrings. After a moment of admiring, a smile teasing at his lips, he turned and headed for his room. Fully intending on taking her up on her promise later. Right now they were going to be a little late as it was, all the power at his finger tips and he was still subjected to meetings running late. Of course Arianna had proceeded to get ready as if it was all running to plan, calm, cool and collected.

If there was anyone who could enhance his image it would be that woman and not just because she looked divine.

Not even five minutes later he strolled back down the hall, adjusting the sleeves of a fresh suit, having chosen that particular one because she had remarked the style looked sharp on him. Made him hard to resist and lethal.

"Ari.." he called out on the way to her room. Surprised to find her not there, he headed down the penthouse stairs figuring she was waiting for him in entry hall. "Ari"

Again there was no reply and from where he was on the steps he couldn't see her waiting at the door. Before he could call out her name again there was a sudden thump coming from the direction of his home office. Lex turned his head sharply at the sound, frowning deeply.

There was only two scenarios that fit this moment. Either someone else was in his home, which meant his wife was endangered for he had the best security money could by. Or just as equally upsetting, Arianna had gone into his office.

The deal was she stayed out of any and all business not related to her, this included never stepping foot in his home office, in return he'd give everything he could to further her research and humanitarian efforts. Helping her was a win for him on so many levels as much as it was for her.

Carefully he walked over to the little side table that sat beside the stair case, pulling open one of the tiny drawers he removed an ivory handled letter opener. More than sharp enough to suit the moment.

Quietly, and more calmly than he felt, Lex made his way towards his office. There was another thump just as he got to the threshold, the sound of papers spilling. Carefully he peaked inside, first to see the documents littering his floor and when his eyes moved back up she came into view, back turned to the door.

Anger filled him. The feeling of betrayal.

Arianna had been his exception to a loveless life, he hadn't been looking for love when had met her, in fact he had abhorred it. Because of past experiences, when he realized his feelings for her ran deeper than casual, he had looked into her past and nothing of her history pointed to anything other than the person he had come to know. A woman who viewed the world in a more positive light than he did but also felt he could do great good, a woman who also feared the damage done by heroes such a Superman. Someone who he honestly believed loved him.

___So why would she do this? Break the deal?_ In the back of his mind he heard the mocking voice of his father commenting that all women were duplicitous. He couldn't recall when he had said it but that wasn't unusual, he had years taken from him. Just scattered pieces were left, faint echos of a previous life.

Growling, he pushed open the door fully, crossing over to her before she could react. Grabbing her arm, wrapping his own around her neck, pressing the tip of the blade against the delicate skin of her throat. "Who's paying you off?" he hissed. "What did I miss Arianna?"

Arianna said nothing and even seemed relaxed against him. That wasn't like her. He had seen her defend herself. Lex repeated the questions and added, "If this isn't what I think it is tell me now? Arianna this is your only chance. I won't be betrayed again."

Her replied stunned him. No words just the simple act of her fist slowly moving up and revealing a chess piece in the palm of her hand. A black king.

Him.

She was working for him? Somewhere deep inside Lex hoped that she could prove her innocence that this was all against her will. He hated that he felt this need for her.

Lex lowered the blade of the letter opener and pushed her suddenly away, causing the lower half of her body to collide with his desk. "You have four minutes." His tone rang like steel as he waited.

It was the second shock he would receive. Her expression was not only devoid of any emotion, she stood stiffly facing him, none of her usual sensuality or warmth of eyes.

After a brief moment those eyes suddenly locked with his and in a monotonous voice she replied, "Do you like my gift lex?"

"Excuse me?"

"I thought you'd enjoy the packaging of your lovely wife. No worries though, I kept my tinkering to a minimum. Would hate to damage such a beautiful specimen."

Lex didn't bother to reply this time as he knew the message he was about to receive was in effect a 'recording'.

"As I warned you before, there would be consequences if you attempted to open up the Mnemosyne project again." The reminder and threat continued from the mouth of his wife even though she wasn't really present in the room with him. "I thought long and hard about the best way to 'deal' with this situation. As much as it would be convenient for her destruction to be appropriate retribution I am not fooled. You are Luthor, love is to easily tossed aside. However, power is not."

What did that mean? Power is not.

"Look out for a gift, a specially tailored torment just for you. The wrath of memory devoid lane will lead to roads unfavorably traveled. Enjoy your gift."

Questions were never his friend. Lex resisted the urge to uselessly ask the meaning behind the message. Expecting more, he was for the third and final time taken by surprise when Arianna rapidly blinked and stumbled back a little.

"Lex.." She questioned.

"Ari?" He returned still unsure and watching her.

Obviously disoriented Ari put a hand to her head, "What's.. whats going on?"

Neither wanting to or sure how to explain it, Lex stepped forward and took hold of her by the shoulders, gently guiding her to the door. "We're late."

"Yes, I know but..Lex why were we in your office.." Sounding worried.

Of course she noted that.

"No reason. " He reassured her, turning her so he could look her in the face as they now stood in the hall. "You came to check on me, that's all." Lex smiled down at her, feeling relief that she hadn't betrayed him, worried though that the Black King had lied, done more to her than using her to leave a message.

"You ready?" he asked.

Arianna searched his eyes before nodding. "Yes, I have a slight headache suddenly" She took a deep breath before continuing, swaying into him slightly when he reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, " but I think I'll be alright. Let's go before it gets any later" She gave him a small reassuring smile before turning and heading down the hall as if nothing more was amiss.

Lex frowned as he watched her go, he'd make sure she would see a doctor tomorrow even if all she had been used for was to send a message there still could be damage, the Mnemosyne project proved this years ago.

Unsettled, Lex glanced back at his office. The chess piece now laid on its side at his desk. Quickly walking back in Lex swept it up and into his pocket.

Trying not to let the threat of a 'gift' get to him.

_"____The wrath of memory devoid lane will lead to roads unfavorably traveled. Enjoy your gift."_

ஐ

Cookies?


	4. Chapter 3 - Lost

**A/N:**Would have had this up earlier but I actually didn't get many chances since the last update to write. Again longer than I wanted and I have no clue if my plot makes much sense, so um..yeah lol. To many sleepless nights. Anyway, here you go and guess what. Next chapter should be full of Clois goodies. Hint..it's called 'Connections'.

**Will be improving any grammar/punctuation mistakes I didn't see before as I find them.**

* * *

Chapter Three - Lost  
ღ

A lovely distraction, that's what she is. Lex thought, mesmerized by her legs as she shifted in her seat. It was a good thing she would be leaving soon, postpone her distracting for a more appropriate time. A time where he could truly enjoy her.

Arianna gracefully wiped at her mouth and disposed of her lunch. Sending Lex an admonishing look for his only half-finished bistro sandwich, from the best place in Metropolis no less. "What's the point of picking you up food if you won't eat it?"

Lex glanced down at it before returning his attention, or attempting to return his attention, to his laptop. "I will eat it." He sighed giving into the fact he wouldn't be able to focus completely with her there. Wrapping his sandwich back up, Lex handed it to her.

"Wasn't as hungry as I thought."

Smirking, Ari shook her head before standing to take his sandwich to the mini refrigerator. "More like you were hungry for something other than food."

"I've not laid a hand on you." Lex let his eyes graze over her and not for the first time since she came in to his office.

"You don't need to, Mi Amor…" She licked her lips before growing serious. "I should leave or you will never finish whatever it is you are attempting to do." He could hear the tease in her voice.

"Yes you should," He smiled at her "Though, I do appreciate your company and care, Ari" Most 'cared' because they were paid too. Not with her, Arianna was always surprising him. Preventing him from getting too caught up in things, allowing for a little fun and relaxation in his life.

"Hmm…well I'll be going. Wouldn't want you to be behind schedule now." She picked up her purse as Lex stood and came around his desk. "Tonight I want you early Lex, you hire assistants for a reason. Use them" She gave him a pointed look.

Lex pulled her close, "I see. Early? How early?"

"Dinner and a slow evening together, so very early."

"As you wish." He replied simply, amused at her surprise to his compliance.

Her humour and sarcasm showed through, raising a hand to his forehead she looked shock "Lex Luthor agreeing to put work aside. You sure you're okay?"

"Funny Ari. I'm fine" More like worried for her and the 'gift' he knew was coming. "I'd rather spend time with you."

"Prove it and show up. See you then." She gave him a quick kiss and headed for the door, throwing over her shoulder as she did, "Be prompt, I do not wish to be stuck in my office waiting for yours to send me your signature."

"It happened only once."

"Once was enough." was her playful reply. Enjoying the lighthearted side of her husband.

Turning at the door she added, "You owe me for this morning Lex so don't be late." Reminding him how unhappy she had been for the sudden doctor's appointment that morning he insisted she have.

"I'll be there." He gave a nod, watching her leave, staring at the door for a long moment. Lex knew she had been displeased with him early that morning for his insistence she go to the appointment he had arranged.

Arianna was anything but stupid and had felt there was something he wasn't telling her. Which was true but their relationship was never going to change in one regard. While she could demand many things from him, insist he eat , be home early etc. and he was more than often happy to let her, Lex Luthor was never going to reveal all he thought or tell secrets he wasn't inclined to share. Even if they involved her health.

Though her questions remained unanswered she had obliged his request and gone in. Lex knew if he was to keep her happy with him he'd have to bend a little extra on her requests. It wasn't really all that hard to agree to go home early, not only because he enjoyed his wife but because he wanted to see first hand she truly was okay.

It was a strange feeling to know he loved her, loved her enough to bend parts of his own life to suit her. He knew he had been married before, that each time had failed and though he had no direct recall on why, he had a feeling he hadn't loved them enough to sacrifice some control like he did for Arianna. Yet, telling her about what happened the previous night wasn't an option and not only because he wasn't inclined to involve her but the possible consequence was a deterrent enough.

The Mnemosyne Project was, no had been, remarkable. Proving that the memory techniques that one day would clear the last of the fog that covered the years he lost could be used for a variety of purposes. Memory manipulation had been the most viable research. The former lab had been the home of the project, the public had thought it was nothing more than an a small research lab for natural cosmetics left over from Luthorcorp. Unaware that underneath stretched a huge multilevel basement with advanced laboratories and human testing.

It had been going well till one day his partner had suddenly decided it was to be closed down. Lex had refused, he needed the research and had invested too much into it to stop because ? …that was something he had never understood. The Black King stood to gain just as much as he had. The project had been theirs. And the irony of it all, that while Lex was guilty of a great many things including his fair share of back stabbing, in this instance he was innocent.

There was two people he had never betrayed, or had planned to. Arianna and the man he knew now as the Black King. Once upon a time Lex had known who the man was, but part of their bargain had been Lex would never be able to recall or retain the Black Kings identity or motives and in return the Black King could never kill him. Not intentionally or unintentionally. In order to continue after the success of their first project, manipulation of specific memories to further human reprogramming techniques. They had made the decision.

Lex nor his partner could trust the other implicitly. Not only did one fear his identity being known and the other his life but neither could trust the other to do the programming. They had each set it up so the other could not include or alter the agreement. Lex had, in other words, programmed himself erasing the Black King from his mind.

So far it remained successful, proving the value of the research. Lex wasn't able to recall why the Black King originally needed the research any more than he could what colour hair the man had. And despite the threats and sabotages there had been no attempts on his life he could tie to the man. A mutual security and success.

Until Lex had been told to shut it down. No warning, no reason just to do so. When he hadn't complied the Black King had blown up the old lab, putting the project on hold for three years.

Now a research center stood in place of the lab, the project restarted in full force. The local community, and even the country at large, had embraced it because Lexcorp was already a leader in the fight against Alzheimer's and other related conditions.

Why question rumours when there was so much good to be gained? Lex smiled softly to himself, even the well-known investigative duo of Clark Kent and Lois Lane wouldn't be able to prove he had ulterior motives.

Lex, of course had known his ex partner would react to the restoration of Mnesmosyne. What he hadn't planned on and admittedly should have, was the use of Arianna to deliver a message. The Black King was devious and while he couldn't take Lex's life he could and obviously would find a way to make it hell.

And that brought him to the one reason Arianna could never know. The subjects of certain techniques in the early trials had shown that they could be made to harm themselves, or react in a startling manner, if told a truth or given a specific bit of information.

Generally even hypnosis could not make someone harm themselves or others if they did not truly desire it. However, innate self-protection was vulnerable to the memory tampering used in the project. A beneficial tool if you wished to cover your tracks. An individual could be programmed to do a number of things to themselves or others for a variety of reasons. Including fainting, going into a self induced coma or murder. Also in several cases individuals subconscious had proven to be more dangerous than the programming itself. In once case a mothers desire to protect her child had caused an unfortunate and messy set back.

Telling Ari about the incident, how she was used could prove to be fatal. Even if she hadn't been programmed to do anything more than deliver the message she could very well have a subconscious desire, fear or need that could lead to the same outcome.

Without knowing how the Black King had programmed her he could never be sure. The 'how' affected everything and Lex had no doubt the man hadn't been all that concerned about the consequences.

Sitting back down at his desk Lex reopened his laptop and picked his phone up. Thirty seconds later he had his overly paid Doctor on the phone, "Results?"

"There is a change. Her scans, compared to the last scans she had, show a slight reshaping." Who have thought that the fall she had earlier that year, and consequential MRI scan, would be a blessing now.

"Specifically?"

"Memory centers Mr. Luthor. It is only slight, easily missed if someone doesn't know what to look for."

Lex pinched the bridge of his nose. "I will be giving you clearance to compare further. Every single case. Leave nothing unturned, this is your only concern at this time. Do you understand?"

"Yes Mr. Luthor. Do you wish for me to call if I find something?"

"No, I will call you. If you do find something before I do, notify Ms. Graves I've an appointment."

"Yes sir."

Hanging up the phone, Lex frowned. He had no expectations of anything being discovered that could enlighten him into which procedure was used. Especially has he had a nagging feeling he was missing something. Vital information, an important piece to this puzzle.

* * *

ღ

Martha watched Clark rub his forehead as if he had a headache. Clark rarely got them and when he did it was usually an emotional response to stress. Right now that stress was all the questions hanging in the air between him and Lois. Questions he couldn't completely answer. He could fill in blanks but he couldn't bring back what was lost, something he took deeply to heart.

Lois didn't seem entirely ready to face some of the questions yet herself. And had fled to the safety of the bedroom, and now shower, after breakfast to leave a bewildered Clark staring after her.

He gave another big sigh and tossed the notes down next to the laptop opened in front of him. "We should have done this before dinner."

"Pardon?" Martha looked up from her book she had been trying to read for going on a half hour now.

Clark slumped back against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling reminding Martha of when he was a teen and frustrated. "We started our article on the Medical research center but put it off. Opting for dinner and …" He sat back up. "I can't concentrate. I should be able to write this but I can't concentrate."

Putting her book to the side Martha turned to face him fully. "Clark honey you're going to have to." she hated bringing it up. The elephant in the room, regardless of how obvious it was, still hurt to be mentioned, "She could be this way for a long time. You need normality, she needs it too."

Her son only nodded in response before leaning his head into his hands.

It occurred to her that Clark had been there all morning, "What about your other job?"

"The league has it covered. Bruce happens to be in the city so unless it's a super sized emergency." Clark shrugged.

Martha raised a brow, "Happens to be?" She stood and made her way to the kitchen to get them coffee.

"Yes, we're entering the last stages of forming the international group. Bruce is hashing out the business side of things. Something they don't need me for."

Clark was far from inept with figures and math, if anything he had a natural aptitude for understanding and comprehending complex subjects. However, his heart wasn't into business or technology. The expression on his face when she glanced back at him showed exactly how much interest he lacked. Martha laughed lightly, "I see. Oliver isn't coming?"

"He has his hands full in Star City"

"Not any better? It's been almost two years now hasn't it?"

Clark nodded. Another thing he felt frustrated over. As Superman he could only offer so much help with the issues Oliver dealt with. Despite all the hope he inspired, crime still happened and some places remained buried in corruption. Life went on.

Placing their cups of freshly made coffee down on the coffee table Martha sat beside him. Her gaze falling to a half finished article, Lois Lane's notes scribbled in all different directions across a notepad, an address book laid open to a number she had become acquainted with quite a bit in the last year. "Have you called him?"

Clark glanced at the book before shaking his head softly, "No, not yet. What do I even say? Hi General Lane , I wasn't there to protect your daughter and now she doesn't remember who she is or any of us."

"This isn't your fault, Clark."

He looked up at her sharply, a hint of anger touching his features. "We don't know that. Mom, for all we know Lois was attacked because of me!"

Martha placed the mug she had picked up back down, "You also don't know that it wasn't any thing more than an accident. Clark, you can't do this. She needs you to have a clear head, not loaded down with guilt. Misplaced or not doesn't matter. She's here now as she is and she needs you. All of you."

_All of you._ A reminder of the secret he kept everyday from so many people. One of them once again was Lois.

Having already made up his mind Clark abruptly said, "I want her to know."

Martha narrowed her eyes slightly in question.

"Mom, I'm not going to keep it from her. I want her to know all of me. I'm not going to hide anything."

"Are you sure Clark?" Martha asked in the way that mothers do when they want to make sure their children understand the possible consequences of their decisions.

"I am. Mom I'm not even certain I could find all the possible evidence of my alter ego around here. Obvious things yes, but…" He picked up the mug, took a sip and held it between his hands. The temperature should have been hot enough to burn, but not for him and Martha found herself half smiling at the irony of his statement. He was so used to being himself in his own home with Lois, or around her that he didn't see how he inadvertently would provide that evidence.

Maybe Lois wouldn't see it. Odds were though he was right, it wouldn't be something obvious or even a mistake on his part. Something could cause her to make the connection that neither of them could even remotely think of. It would be such a Lois thing to do.

"It's not just that Clark, once you open that door you can't take it back and if she isn't ready to handle it?" Martha hated asking these questions. She didn't doubt that Lois could ultimately cope with the truth or even with her daughter but still, Clark's secret was a burden at times. And being a mother was a huge deal, both were worth every moment but even precious gifts could have consequences.

Clark didn't answer, just stared into his mug. So Martha continued, "She's only been back a day.."

Shaking his head, Clark put a hand on hers stopping her, "Mom she _is_ Lois. I know she is different at times." That statement had been proven when Lois had gotten out of bed. Breakfast had been interesting mix of awkward and odd. "But she is also the same. Last night I saw so much of her there, her humour, teasing, even when she looked at me."

"Okay." Martha nodded but could tell Clark heard the question in her voice.

"I won't lie to her mom, I don't think I can do that all again, and to be honest I think she can handle it. I can't see her revealing my secret or even rejecting me, at least not completely." The sound of the shower being turned off made him pause before he finished adding, " I admit I was a little afraid this morning about how she'd be after finding that 'bomb' last night. But now…"

He didn't need to finish. Martha gave him and understanding smile. "Clark, I don't doubt Lois. It's not about that, you both mean so much to me. You're my children and I don't want either of you hurt because you rushed too fast." She touched a hand to his cheek, "You have my support whatever you decide."

"I know. I'm glad you're here. Mom I think I'm more worried about Bits and how Lois will react when she is actually here."

Martha put her mug down, "We'll help her. We'll help both of them and it will take a while but you know what." She smiled at him and managed to get one back, "As much as it sounds like a biased grandma, Bits is a charming, happy little girl. I don't know anyone who doesn't get wrapped around her little finger. Perry, Jimmy, and even Robert Hubbard. He comes around to pick up eggs and has to take time see Bits."

Clark gave a small laugh, "Yeah, she has a fan club here in the building too."

Patting his leg Martha stood, "You need to get back to work. Focus less on all this worrying." She headed for the kitchen, "Also think about what you want for dinner, I picked up some of Bit's favorites"

Giving his mother a mocking incredulous face Clark asked, "you introducing her to comfort food already?"

"Introducing who?" Came a soft question from the hall. Mother and son both turned to see Lois standing in a pair of jeans and t-shirt looking a little lost.

Standing, Clark looked just as lost as Lois. Martha watched a silent exchange pass between them before Clark managed to work up the courage to answer Lois' question, "Our…our daughter. She'll be here later this afternoon." There was an unspoken apology in his tone.

Lois stared at him a moment before nodding. "I …uh, sorry about earlier. "

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize."

Taking a step forward, Lois hooked her fingers into her jean pockets and shrugged her shoulders, bringing back memories of when they had been teens and Lois was trying to handle an uncomfortable conversation. "Is there…anything I can do?"

A part of Clark felt relieved at the very Lois like action. Another part ached from it.

Gesturing to the sofa Clark smiled softly, "If you're up for it I have some photo albums I pulled out."

Lois nodded and sat down on one end. Smiling awkwardly up at Martha who placed a mug of coffee down before her. "Thanks."

Sitting back down, Clark began to move the laptop and notes away when Lois put a hand out stopping him, "Wait. Please don't let me interrupt what you were doing."

"You're not. I can work on it in a bit." He put the work to the side and pulled the albums closer. "If you don't want to…"

"I don't know what I want." Came Lois' honest answer. She looked a bit pale and Clark swallowed back the worry this was too much for her.

He handed her a small red scrapbook. "Just say when you want to stop." at her nod he continued, "A couple of years ago you and Chloe, your cousin, got into scrap booking. This was the first one you made, it's about us in our late teens."

Lois took it and to Clark's relief didn't ask about Chloe, "We've known each other a long time." a simple statement made softly as she opened the book.

The first picture was of her and a blonde girl. Arms wrapped around each other, huge smiles adorned their faces. "Chloe?" Lois asked and received a soft nod. She wasn't sure but she thought she could see signs of a bruises on Chloe's face. Like she had been through something.

Flipping through slowly, Lois found more pictures of them, some with Clark as well. None of them at first had just her and Clark. She smiled a little as she caught hints of a some sort of stand-off between them in the pictures. Their common element appeared to be Chloe.

As if reading her thoughts Clark pointed at one specific picture. He was wearing a white t-shirt that clung wet to his body, hair drenched. The grin on his face was infectious and she found herself smiling as she looked the picture over.

"School rally, you threw the one and only ball that dunked me that afternoon." When she followed his finger she could see herself standing a little ways back looking happy and smug. A candid shot.

"You don't seem all that upset about it."

Clark grinned at her. "I wasn't, of course then I'd never would have admitted how much I enjoy our banter. We tended to have this unspoken agreement that we'd communicate through barbs and sarcasm. I'm not sure I even realized back then how much it meant to me."

Lois raised an eyebrow at him, "How do you mean?'

"Chloe was my best friend till you and at first we, " he indicted her and him, " didn't really get along but you've always had this way, Lois, of making me feel…" he wanted to say normal but they were there yet. "whole. All the things that weighed on me felt lighter with you. You seemed to understand me better than anyone even when you were driving me crazy. I went from trying to convince myself I'd be happier if you weren't around" he smiled and Lois could feel how much the memories meant to him in the air between them, "to seeing you as my best friend and needing you in a way I've never needed anyone else."

Lois smiled back, having no clue what to say to that. Instead, she flipped the page and soaked in more of the girl she couldn't remember being and the boy who sat beside her.

They sat in companionable silence, only interrupted by the occasional question. Many of the pictures were on a farm. After asking about it Clark promised her they'd go up there the next weekend, by then she'd have had her appointments and their jobs would be sorted. Lois felt both nervous, scared and excited at the prospect of going.

"When did you start wearing glasses?" Lois asked at one point.

Clark watched her face intently as he replied, "I was about 22, the year I started working at the Daily Planet."

She nodded while continuing to study the pictures. "With me?"

"Yes."

"Why not contacts?" She glanced at him with a smile.

Clark smiled back with a shrug. "I guess I liked you calling me 'four eyes.'"

Her hazel eyes had focused on his face and Clark found himself holding his breath a moment. Eventually her smile returned and filled her eyes. "At least, " She said softly, "you're a good looking four eyes." A slight blush crept up her cheeks before she turned to look intently through the scrap book.

That moment gave Clark a much needed feeling of hope.

A little later, after the third album, Lois shook her head having had enough for now. "I need break. Can we do the rest later?"

Clark nodded, "Of course."

Her eyes fell on to the binding of an album they hadn't gotten to yet. It was labeled 'Chloe.' in elegant letters.

"Where is Chloe? Did she move away?"

His sharp in take of breath and the emotional shift in his eyes told her volumes.

"Oh…when?" Lois asked softly, feeling bad for bringing it up.

Clark took a deep breath suddenly he seemed unable to look at her. It must have been painful.

"Almost a year ago."

"I'm sorry." She wanted to say something to take the pain away. Aware that some of that pain was probably because he knew how much she should hurt, but she didn't. Obviously she had been close to her cousin, and it did make her sad that she wouldn't get to know her now, but the memories weren't there.

"We don't have to talk about it." Clark looked up at her abruptly and started to reply but Lois put her hand over one of his, "Honestly. I want to know about her but it doesn't have to be today. Whenever you're ready."

She could see relief in his eyes before they moved down to stare at their hands.

Lois didn't know why but the man before her made her want to remember more than anything. What was it about Clark Kent that reached to her through the fog? That gave her strength despite being so lost.

* * *

ღ

There was a sadness to Jimmy Olsen that made Lois feel unsettled. Clark's pain at the loss of her cousin hurt enough but the man who dropped off her daughter, a strange thing to think about in its own right, was far more intense. His pain seemed to fill the apartment as soon as he entered.

After passing off a sleeping baby into the arms of her father, Jimmy had exchanged a hug with Martha and glanced awkwardly first at Clark and then at Lois. She had stood in the background feeling unsure and when his sad eyes turned to her, Lois felt that out all of them in the room, his heart was the most damaged.

There wasn't anger or hate for Clark from him but a sense that Clark, and even herself, reminded him of Chloe, a pain to heavy to bear.

After an exchange that was obviously meant to be comforting to her and Clark, Jimmy had stared at her for a moment before saying goodbye. Once out the door the tension in the room changed dramatically.

No longer a palatable pain, now it was just uncertainty. The baby, her baby, slept in Clark's arms and when she woke Lois would what?

She didn't remember being a mother and she had no clue how to be.

Clark glanced over at her before he went and sat back down. Lois followed, sitting in a chair across from him. Content at that moment to watch him gaze at the sleeping bundle in his arms.

She could see the love radiate from him. He seemed a bit more at ease and Lois envied him that.

"Lois."

After about the third time she realized Martha was trying to get her attention quietly.

"Oh…sorry" she apologized, wondering when the name would begin to feel like her.

Martha gave her a kind understanding smile. "It's fine hun. I was just wondering if you wanted something to drink?" Somehow Lois felt that wasn't originally her question.

"Um…I'm good." Her eyes drifted back over to the baby. She could avoid so many things right now, looking around the apartment, asking questions she wasn't ready to have the answers too. But a baby. How could she avoid a baby? Her baby.

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to face the inevitable, choosing to draw on the strength she felt from Clark earlier. "Whats her name?"

Clark looked up at her his features set more softly then she had seen them before, "Bitsie, her name is Bitsie."

"Bitsie? Like as in Elizabeth?" She realized, a little to late, how rude that sounded. Clark though didn't seem to think it was or at least wasn't surprised by it.

"No, it's Bitsie." At her expression he smiled amused, "We call her Bits for short. We named her after…"

A loud grunt followed by a little hand reaching up and patting Clark's chin interrupted his reply.

"Hello baby girl. Daddy missed you so much!" Clark sat her up and Lois got her first full view of the little girl as she babbled happily at her dad.

Hair that was a shade between her own and Clark's, a mop of little curls with bright blue-green eyes that she suspected had her shape, but the smile was his. She had seen it enough times in the pictures earlier. A wide full somewhat lopsided smile. On the little face it was a precious sight.

Bitsie patted her dads face, drooling a little as she continued to grin. A moment later she turned her blue-green eyes fully on Lois and the happy smile seemed to grow in volume as she realized she not only had her daddy but her mommy was there too.

Lois froze as suddenly, little arms reached out for her and Bitsie gurgled a happy sound. The smile she had been wearing in seeing Bitsie and Clark's reunion fell. She felt like she couldn't breath.

What happened to the strength she had felt earlier?

Martha seemed to sense her distress and immediately made her presence known. "Bitsie baby! Want to come to Grandma?"

Bitsie turned to look at her grandma and waved a wet fist but her attention went once again for her mother. When Lois made no immediate reaction the happiness on her little face vanished.

Clark wasn't sure what to do, he could feel the approaching storm as his little girl's body tensed up. But the look on Lois' face just about killed him. She looked so afraid, eyes wide as she stared.

Just as Martha made to pick her up and Bitsie began to fuss, Lois stood up and the room went still.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. I thought I could do this." Barely holding back tears as she looked from Clark's face to Bitsie's. "I'm so sorry…"

And with that she fled leaving once again a bewildered man and now an upset child.

* * *

ღ

She was a coward. No other way to explain herself.

A 9 month old child had sent her running from the room. All she had to do was hold her, smile at her. Not really all that hard and yet it was exactly _that _hard.

Lois sat on the bed and tried to catch her breath. Why? Why did she feel this way?

The room had begun to spin the moment she had reached the bed and fell upon it. The smell of bedroom, of their bed only seemed to make it worse. She wanted to find a safe haven but there wasn't any. The whole apartment was filled with sights and smells that were foreign to her and yet familiar. She couldn't place why she knew that she liked to wear his flannel shirts in bed, or that the drawer on the right in the kitchen was silverware. She just knew.

Yet the baby that needed her out there was too much to take.

Crying tears of frustration she buried her face in a pillow. Not wanting to alarm anyone, not wanting comfort. She didn't deserve comfort.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she found herself waking up to a soft voice calling "Lois…"

Sitting up slowly Lois was greatly relieved it was Martha. She felt too much shame to face Clark now. Oh what he must think of her.

Martha quietly came over and sat on the edge of the bed as Lois brought her knees up to her chest. The older woman placed a gentle hand over one of Lois'.

"Sweetheart, you okay?"

Lois closed her eyes, hating that question. How was she supposed to answer it.

Her silence seemed to be enough of an answer. Martha stood back up causing Lois to reopen her eyes and watch as she went over to one of the dressers. Opening the top drawer Martha pulled out what appeared to be two books before she came back over and scooted on to the bed next to Lois.

After several minutes of sitting in the quiet of the room, the only sound was the distance voice of Clark in the room next door, Martha began. "I remembered the first time I held Bitsie. I wasn't really sure what to do anymore than you or Clark were. I felt like such a terrible grandma."

Lois looked over at her in the dim light confusion playing across her face.

"I never really cared for a baby before. You see, Clark, we adopted when he was…three. And the few children I had watched had all been around the same age. So an infant was a new experience for me too. Clark, I think was the most comfortable out of us all. His only real fear was that he might break her."

Glancing down at her hands Lois gave a slight smile at the last bit. "He's too gentle to hurt her."

"Yes he is and it was you who reassured him that it would be fine. Just as he reminded you being a good mother wasn't about experience, but love."

"I don't remember loving her." Lois looked back at her again, feeling a little angry and not sure why. "I don't remember! How can I possibly give her what she needs when I don't feel it. I mean I'm not…"

"It's okay. I know what you meant. Lois I think you are more afraid to hold her because you will love her once you do and you don't know what that means."

Lois' jaw dropped and though she wanted to deny that was the reason but when she thought about it she couldn't. She was afraid to love or even to feel okay because …

She wasn't sure why. Just for some reason it was scarier to drown in unknown feelings than to simply be lost.

Coming out of her thoughts Lois watched as Martha lifted up one of the 'books' which was actually more like some sort of Ipad. It flickered to life and a minute later Lois realized it was part of a high-tech baby monitor. There on-screen was Clark and Bitsie, she was laying on a changing table completely focused on her father as he rambled away at her.

Martha turned up the sound so they could hear what he was saying.

"Mommy thought it was funny too. You see, now I'm just ganged up on. You, mommy, grandma, chl…" he stopped mid word and continued a second later as if nothing was amiss though she heard the slight catch in his voice. "We're gonna have to get Uncle Jimmy and your cousins over more often. So daddy isn't the only guy. Oh Uncle Bruce too."

Bitsie kicked her feet out as he talked and tried more than once to pull herself up into a sitting position but her father's hand stayed her. She obviously wasn't making it easy.

"So, what do you think?" having won the diaper change battle, he lifted her back up and into his arms. "Time for bed baby girl…how about a story."

Lois glanced out the window and realized she must have slept for a few hours. Martha turned the volume back down and laid the monitor on the bed.

"I haven't looked around." Lois blurted out surprising them both.

Martha took her hand again and squeezed. "Any particular reason?"

"I don't know. I guess it is like you said, I'm afraid to love. " That didn't really make sense, Lois shook her head, "I mean I… I'm just afraid. Sometimes it's like there is all this stuff just below the surface and if I stand still it might come but then it passes and I'm still here like this." That didn't make much sense either.

She sighed but Martha looked over at her, "Sometimes it's the answers that are harder to take than the questions. Lois give yourself some credit. You've been here a day and I think you are doing just fine."

"I ran from a baby. Who does that?"

"No Lois, you ran from the unknown." Martha turned on the lamp next to her side of the bed before asking. "Do you think you could handle looking around if someone was with you or would it be easier to be alone?"

"I don't know. I did look around the bathroom earlier." She turned to face Martha, "It was weird. Clark is so clean shaven and yet I couldn't find a single razor for him. I mean unless he uses mine." She had her brows scrunched together and Martha couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her.

Between the expression on her face and the observation it just was a little funny. Clark was right, it was something small that would give him away.

"Perhaps he hasn't unpacked his from the trip you guys were just on." She offered, deciding to field that one off. Lois needed to adjust to Bitsie first, let herself become comfortable before the Superman topic should come into the picture.

"Yeah you're probably right. I dunno…it just seemed like a bigger deal earlier."

Martha picked up the book she had also pulled from Lois' top dresser drawer, carefully placing it into Lois' hands.

"Sweetie take your time, look at this. Get to know how you felt before about Bitsie and I think it won't be so scary to hold her."

Lois glanced between the book and Martha's kind face. There was no pity, no judgment. Rather the other woman seemed to understand more than Lois herself did.

Nodding, Lois ran her hand across the cover. "I will."

Moving off the bed Martha patted her hand, then straightened her clothes, "If you need me hun. I'm only down the hall. It doesn't matter the time okay? And don't you worry about them two." She nodded to the monitor. "They will be fine if you are. Clark will be as patient as you need him to be."

"What if I can never do this…I mean be like I was."

"You both will adjust to the new you."

Lois hoped she was right. Once alone she opened the book and found what appeared to be a mothers journal. It started from around the time she had felt the baby first move. There was pictures, and her thoughts, lists.

Skimming through, Lois found the entry from the day Bitsie was born, other than the baby's weight, inches and other facts there was a small passage. Her words, her feelings, a bit of herself to cling to and perhaps as Martha said, maybe knowing how she felt would take the fear away.

"_I know I'm going to regret writing this later. I can't stop crying, I'm tired and a bit drugged up but I don't want to lose the memory of what I feel. I've never felt so alive or elated._

_Just a few minutes ago I held my little girl close to me. And what amazes me more than anything is that fear is gone. Okay, maybe not gone but it doesn't matter now. From the moment she was placed in my arms and I heard her cry I knew that this has always been what I wanted and perhaps what I've always needed. I have her and I have Clark and I can't even fully express the joy I feel now. I have no clue what tomorrow brings or how I'm going to do this but it doesn't matter. I can't imagine giving this up, the few short hours with her in my arms or the months of carrying her inside of me. It's like she has always been here. A statement I never understood till Clark and now it has take on more meaning. I love this little girl. Clark is holding her, you would think he is holding a slice of heaven. He keeps glancing at me so I'm going to end this with this - I am whole, we are whole now. A family."_

ஐ

* * *

Good? Bad?


	5. Chapter 4 - Handle

**A/N: **Okay. Took longer than I wanted to write thanks to good old fashion lay in the bed and pretend to sleep. But it's here. It's not fully what I had intended to post for chapter four. The last three scenes of what I originially had planned are now chapter 5. Goodnews.. almost done with them. So hopefully they go up this week. If there is any issues with my writing, blame lack of sleep..please.

Also reminder - my black king is not exactly like the comic one nor is he much like SV's version. He's my own SV version with some resemblances to a comic version. He's made to fit this story essentially.

Hope you Enjoy..

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**Chapter Four **- Handle  
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"Aren't you supposed to be out till Monday?" Johnson scanned her pass before opening the door to allow her in.

Susan gave a shrug and refrained from rubbing her irritated and slightly red nose. "Just here to do some paper work, shouldn't be more than an hour."

Johnson gave a knowing smile, "Ah, I see. Well don't worry, I won't say anything."

"You are a peach Dan."

"Not what the wife calls me but thank you."

Laughing, Susan shook her head and made her way down the halls till she came to the little office area at the back of the building. Five years she had played the role of mediator and specialist between the Medical examiner's office and the police department. Providing help on cases that needed to be kept hush whether in order to allow a case to successfully close or because the circumstances were 'weird' or not normal.

With individuals like Superman and the awareness of those who had meta human abilities, there was a definite need for someone in her position who could play crime scene detective and medical examiner quietly in the background.

It wasn't easy either. The cases kept her on her toes and she had the pleasure of having met Superman several times but she also had to deal with internal politics between those in Luthor's pocket and those who weren't. Often she wasn't sure who was oblivious to it all and who was being paid off or threatened.

Slipping quietly into her office, Susan let out a long sigh. Putting her hand bag and files down quickly she grabbed a tissue and allowed herself to relieve the ache to rub her nose. The main reason she had given in to coming in early had been a voice mail from one of the few people she knew she could trust and also work with to hopefully one day bring down Lex Luthor. Lois Lane had called and she wanted to sort out what she could from the woman's message before Monday.

Sitting down at her desk she pulled out her cell and called up the voice mail, smiling at the slightly slurred voice of Lois. Picking up a pen to write down the details that come after the ramble.

"_Hey Susan, my girl, I know I said I'd call when we returned but I couldn't wait. Yeah, yeah, I know surprise right. You should see this hotel. It's ridiculous! Does Luthor really have nothing else to do with his money? Thank goodness I have my cell, cause," _Susan smiled at the sound of Clark's voice in the background, she had never met him but she felt like she knew him from Lois. "_I bet the hotel lines are tapped."_

"_Lois, people are watching." _Even though she had listened to the message several times already she still had to chuckle at this part. Clark seemed closer like he was actively trying to take the phone from Lois.

"_Smallville, relax, if they are staring, it's cause they don't know what to make of the hot geek and sexy Lane Conundrum. Besides, we're at the back of the hall so unless they have Superman's hearing I wouldn't worry. Anyway, Susan, I have some good news, before that I'll get the bad over with." _Lois did lower her voice at this point to a loud whisper. "_As expected, Luthor has a tight reign over Lily. Not only is security a little over board for a medical center but the place is almost too spotless."_

The message cut off. Susan had forgotten it did, pushing quickly for the next message, Lois continued as if it never had.

"_Nothing. Not quite a dead end though, Clark pointed out that the layout was a little odd. Going to be getting my hands on the blue prints. The good news – guess who we ran into? Ron Bilson. The Ron Bilson. And, as we thought, not too fond of Luthor. It didn't take all that much schmoozing to get him to agree to deny the contract. Luthor isn't going to be all that happy. I gave Bilson your number. He seemed eager to hear your views and I figured it wouldn't hurt."_

Lois trailed off with Bilson's direct contact info and a few items for her to look into. Susan wrote it down and shook her head at the Clark and Lois exchange before Lois' cell finally disconnected.

"_Let's go have more of that fancy overly priced champagne."_

_"So, we're back to reinstating the 'policy' again?"_

_"You betcha, baby. You know you like me like this."_

_"Lois,_"there was amusement in his tone. "_I also prefer you didn't bring your tiny, but expensive, dinner back up."_

"Ha, I'm nowhere near that point yet, buddy. Don't' be a spoil sport or you won't get to enjoy any of the benef-."

Just as she was waiting for the option to delete the message Susan was surprised by a knock at the door. Great, she'd been caught out.

On the other side she was surprised to find a tall dark haired man, not bad looking either, standing there. Someone she didn't work with or know. She glanced down to see he had a visitors pass. So he obviously had been through security.

"Hello-" her voice came out croaky so she cleared it glancing out of her office quickly, "How can I help you?"

"Susan Reynolds, I presume?"

She nodded slowly, "Yes. Forgive me, I was not expecting anyone. And how do I know you, Mr…?" Susan didn't feel the need to explain she had been ill when it was quite obvious she still was.

The man gave her a slow smile, one that sent chills down her back. It was friendly enough but something about it was off.

"My apologies, Ms. Reynolds. I am King."

His introduction sounded more like a declaration of his status than a name. _Good lordy, how high and mighty is he._

He continued despite her thoughts. "And no, we have not had the pleasure to make each other's introductions before, although we do have a mutual acquaintance that I must speak to you about: Lois Lane."

Susan frowned while she nodded. She saw Macy step into the hall and gave her a thin smile. The other woman raised a questioning eyebrow asking her what she was doing there. Susan shook her head before stepping back to make room for her unexpected visitor, "Please, won't you come in?"

Following her in, King took a seat. His posture and the way he moved reminded her of a cat. Regal and methodical, almost like he was stalking but yet was indifferent as well.

"How do you know Ms. Lane?"

"Lois Lane is what you would call an interest of mine."

At the way she looked at him, he waved his hand as if dismissing the thoughts going through her head. "Her dealings with Mr. Lex Luthor, specifically, intrigue me greatly."

"I am not sure how I can be of service to you, Mr. King." Susan took a seat behind her desk. "I know Ms. Lane but I cannot speak on her behalf on any matter concerning Lex Luthor."

"Ms. Reynolds, I was hoping to gain an ally as Luthor has continually disregarded my requests to cease certain activities." Susan felt the way he said 'requests' and 'activities' implied something very different than what he was saying. "I was given the impression that you and Ms. Lane were investigating the Lily Research Center."

Susan kept her face neutral but felt nervous tension ball up in the pit of her stomach. While both her and Lois hadn't bothered to hide the fact neither of them liked Luthor and felt he was guilty of a great many things they also hadn't advertised their ongoing project. One that only recently included looking into Lily.

How did he know that? Or was he just assuming? If he wasn't, it meant they were being observed by Lex and that was disturbing. He had enough people in his pockets as it was.

"Is there some fact I should know about this research center?" Deciding to go with ignorance. "My distaste for Luthor is hardly a secret, however, I have no pertinent knowledge of the Lily of Hope Research Center."

King smiled again as if amused but his eyes told her he did not believe her. "I am to assume, then, that you were unaware that the Center was opened up to the public for an official tour, to further Luthor's pretense of philanthropy? And that Ms. Lois Lane was in attendance?"

"I do speak with her occasionally. Although, these last two weeks I have been ill. I hardly had the strength to lift a glass of water to my lips let alone plan master schemes of intrigue." It was true to some extent but was also very much a lie. She'd been eager to hear Lois' take on the tour even when she hadn't felt up to coming in.

He nodded as if feeling sympathy for her, "My apologies, Ms. Reynolds. I have obviously been mistaken." King stood suddenly, startling her, causing her to wonder if his inquiry wasn't really why he was there, or at least not the full reason.

"There is no need. I am sorry I couldn't be of more service to you." She stood as well to follow him to the door. "If you would like to leave me some information on how to contact you, I might have more to offer at a later date." Really wanting to know the real reason he was there.

He looked at her sharply after a moment, pausing at the door. "If I could impose on you a little longer, there is one another inquiry I would like to make."

"I am sure it would be no imposition. Please." Susan replied.

"Three years ago, when Luthor's original labs were engulfed in that hellish inferno, were you there?"  
There was no point in lying as he could verify that later. The incident had made the news. Lex Luthor's medical research lab exploding the day of its opening and press conference had caught public attention. Especially with all the build up before hand. Lexcorp dropping cosmetics and branching out into medical science to further humanities well-being. Susan mentally snorted at the tag line.

"Yes, I was there. And it almost cost me my life."

His brown eyes locked with her own. "I gather you were one of the fair few who were saved by the Superman?"

"Yes." Her and three others, including Lois had found themselves trapped and unable to escape when the first of the explosions had gone off. The whole event was kind of a blur. She wasn't even sure how they had been trapped in the first place.

King had begun to open her door but at her response he quietly shut it again and twisted the lock. Susan took a step back in disbelief. "Oh, God!"

She made to move for the phone on her desk but he quickly caught her hand and pulled her tightly to him.

"Please, don't! People know who you are here! You won't-" He put a hand over her mouth and gave a slight shake of his head.

"You misunderstand me. I am not here to kill you. I wish not to hurt you, either." Giving a rueful smile he pushed her back till her legs hit the chair he had just left, he moved it with his foot to face them so he could push her firmly but gently into it.

Susan gave a little scream but his hand over her mouth was clamped tight despite the movement and even if she hadn't been ill his strength clearly out did her own. The man obviously was experienced with his ability to keep a firm hold on her and maneuver her into the chair all while keeping an impassive face.

It was his brown eyes though, that really struck a chord with her. She had expected them to be cold instead he almost seemed...regretful.

The bast**d was going to do something to her and he had the nerve to look like that.

Hand still over her mouth he ignored her wide eyed stare as she studied him. "Please, do not scream. Susan, I want you to know this is not personal. I came here only hoping to recruit your help, but I can see like Ms. Lane, you are going to make this quite inconvenient." He took his hand slowly off hers. When she made to open her mouth he quickly put a finger over it. "Let me finish. You have no reason to be afraid."

The last line said in a commanding tone that Susan felt reverberate through her and despite wanting to she couldn't make a noise. She felt heavy, almost as if she was detached from her own body and the fear inside that he really was going to hurt her just simply lifted. It was like she had a blanket of being 'okay' over her.

"Good," he continued. "Lex has a serious lesson he needs to be taught and a certain superhero needs to be clued in.*The quickest way is obviously through his lady love, but I do believe if I add you to the mix, Lex is going to have a hard time explaining his way out of this one."

Trying to understand what he was going on about she furrowed her eyebrows and received a pat on her knee as he settled himself against her desk. "You do not need to worry about the particulars."

Glancing around to the side, King picked up her calendar book. "It appears you have a phone conference scheduled with a 'CK' and 'LL'. Fate smiles on me once more." the man turned his attention back to her. Those brown eyes once again caught her attention, making her feel as if she could drown in them.

"I have one last question before I make my exit. Susan Reynolds, do remember anything from the lab explosion? Possibly how you were trapped or who you were with? Feel free to speak now."

Susan began to shake her head. "No..." The words came despite the fact she really didn't want to tell him a damn thing. "I know I was with a few others but I cannot recall what happened."

"What is the last memory you have before the incident?"

It took her a moment as she tried to recall it. "I... The last clear memory I have is of the tour. Lois…Lois asked a question that seemed to make the guide unhappy. The local Channel 5 newsman seemed to think it was worth repeating. I do not remember the question…or anything that followed."

Nodding his head slightly to himself, King then stood and straightened out his suit jacket. Susan watched unable to get herself to leave or to do anything at all as he bent down in front of her chair.

"I want you to know that I am sorry. I also want you to know this recourse will bring about what you and Lane have been after for quite some time. My only regret is that you will not remember this is what you wanted."

Susan's eyes widened as his seemed to change, the colour of his eyes grew more intense and everything else around her fell away. She didn't have time to think about what he said before she began to drown.

She could hear his voice talking to her and then a sharp pain in her neck before everything went black.

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"Nuh uh Honey...can't have that either" The sticky note stack was moved out of reach much to the dismay of the little girl. Despite the distance between her and all items she wanted, Bitsie continued her efforts to get to them. Reaching out, attempting to place a knee on his desk so she could crawl to them, prevented unknowingly by the hand holding the back of her clothes. A look of concentration floated across her face, as she did, reminding Perry of her mother. He knew that look all to well.

Determination in the face of unbeatable odds.

Deciding to change the venue, Perry pulled Bits close, an arm over her stomach, the other under her bottom as he stood. Carrying her over so she could look out the window, close enough that she could put her wet little hands on the glass and leave her mark.

Even though she had her mother's stubborn streak she also had inherited her fathers good nature. Well in fairness, Lois could be good-natured as well, when she wanted to be. Either way, Bitsie took to the view, squealing excitedly at something far below.

Perry lifted her up a little so he could kiss the side of her face. Amused at her fascination of all that moved below them. Bitsie Kent was, in Perry's opinion, a perfect mix of her parents. Sweet, charming, stubborn, happy and one day a terror (in the best sort of way) to some poor unsuspecting man. That thought made him chuckle.

"Bits, did your dad get distracted?" He asked after glancing at the clock.

Clark had gone down stairs more than 15 mins ago to the office he shared with Lois to finish their assignment. Perry hadn't quarreled it when he found himself being made babysitter so Clark could focus. One look at the man's face had told him all he needed to know at that point, home life wasn't the haven it usually was.

Since he had finally admitted to Clark and Lois that he knew about the super alter ego, he had done whatever he could within workable reason, to make the hero's life a little easier. If that meant being an unpaid babysitter here and there he'd happily oblige.

He knew Clark and Lois had been completely surprised that not only had he known but had done so for a few good years. Apparently something with Clark's glasses and his superman suit was supposed to throw peoples perceptions off so they didn't see Clark or Superman as being 'like' the other. Perry had chalked his discovery up to the fact he had never been totally convinced that what he had witnessed in Smallville was because of the drink.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he had felt there was something different about Clark Kent. Seeing him at the planet on a regular basis had taken that inkling and built it up to a full on theory. A theory he knew one day had to be true after witnessing Superman save someone in the street and his on location reporter inexplicably vanish right before his eyes.

Too many vanishing acts, lame excuses, and strange incidents.

Perry had kept quiet for the longest time because he had no desire to make the younger man nervous. He had obviously gone through a lot of trouble to keep his identity a secret, and Lois was very protective of Superman. Tragic circumstances had in the end made it prudent to reveal his hand.

Thoughts going where he really didn't want them, Perry plastered on a happy expression and sat back down with Bitsie facing him. Before she had a chance to focus her attention on his desk and it's forbidden treasures he began patty cake. Bitsie loved it and was at the point where she could clap with him. She also seemed to take great joy out of seeing him do the motions.

"I'm really sorry, didn't mean to take that long." Clark began as he strode into the office and closed the door behind him, startling Perry and Bitsie both. The latter gurgled a hello at her dad.

"It's fine." Perry waved it off, kissed Bitsie on the forehead before handing her over. "This little one has had great fun forcing me to rearrange my desk."

Glancing at the desk Clark gave a chuckle "I can see. She's a handful."

Perry smiled before growing serious. "Were you delayed cause of?" He made a flying motion with his hand.

Clark shook his head, "Lois is with my mom at her appointment and apparently decided she wants to see me as soon as possible. I'm to pick her up shortly." He took a deep breath feeling a little nervous suddenly.

Bitsie decided her dad's lap wasn't good enough and began to wiggle. At the nod from Perry, Clark sat her down and pulled out a few of her toys from her diaper bag.

"You don't want to see her?" Perry frowned trying to understand what was going on. Clark hadn't exactly explained it all. Lois had amnesia was the sum of it along with what he observed from Clark earlier. The man was lost.

Now that he knew how much the mild-mannered, some what bumbling klutzy geek was an act, Perry was able to recognize when Clark was truly down. When something wasn't right. Usually Lois handled those moods.

Eyes focused on his daughter Clark took another deep breath and decided to let some of his frustration out. "I do. I do want to see her, it's just," He looked up, "she didn't react all that well to Bitsie yesterday. Spent most of the evening shut in the bedroom and when she finally came out she was focused on everything else like seeing the doctor today. Which I understand. I just..."

"It hurt."

Nodding, Clark slipped his glasses off and ran a hand down his face. "I know she can't help it. The thing is, it hurt more to see her upset then anything else." He had wanted to go to her when she first ran from them but his mother had placed her hand on his shoulder and told him to let her be. Give her space.

So he did. He pretend everything was okay for Bitsie who had wanted her mom but after some comfort from her father seemed to have for the moment adjusted. It wouldn't last he knew. But thank goodness the little girl wasn't particularly clingy or anxious about separation. Something which Jimmy thought was odd for a nine month old.

"What exactly happened? I know Lois has a knack for trying to put dents in that thick head of hers but this. Amnesia?" It seemed like there was a lot more to this.

Clark knew what Perry was getting at and agreed. "I don't know exactly. I left her sleeping and when I came back she wasn't in the hotel room. I thought at first she had left to get something from the convenience store we seen earlier, or just to stretch her legs. But her cell was in the room and her purse."

Perry nodded and grabbed a pen and paper. Letting the other man talk. Two of his best reporters had gone to cover the conference held to the public about the new state of the art Medical center. One owned by Luthor and they had stayed at a hotel owned by Luthor. Now Lois, who made it very clear her distrust and dislike of the bald egomaniac, suddenly had no memories. It did not scream accident.

There was no accidents with Luthor. Which meant it needed to be looked into and at this moment Kent wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind. He'd appreciate the notes later.

"I found her wandering the street in her robe and slippers. Apparently she had been gone several hours."

Perry looked up, "How long exactly, do you know?"

Clark glanced over and realized what Perry was doing. Mentally kicking himself for not recording any of this down himself, appreciating the fact his friend and boss was.

"Around 3 hours. The desk clerk said she had left after refusing the offer of a taxi some point between 2:30 and 3 am." Clark was surprised he remember that or that he even had the presence of mind to ask. It was natural to ask those sort of questions when Superman but Lois in trouble changed things. Apparently though habit won out.

"When I found her," Clark closed his eyes. Painfully remembering how frightened she was. "she was scared and confused. Knew Superman but had no idea of who she was."

Perry let him have a moment as he wrote down some questions. "I take it she was...uninjured?"

"Yes. Only thing was a bruise on the back of her neck." Clark frowned. "No concussion or any other signs of physical trauma either which had the doctor in New Jersey feeling as if it was emotional based."

Snorting, Perry shook his head, "When pigs fly..." There was no way anyone could convince him Lois lost her memory because of some emotional pain. If that was the case she'd have done so months ago.

"It's just like with Chloe." The angry tone in Clark's voice caused Perry to look up sharply, never mind the words. Clark continued caught between anger and pain. "It's Chloe all over again..no real answers and it doesn't make any sense."

Perry sighed, "I know. Maybe this," he held up the paper. "will help. At least you didn't lose her, son." He hated the pain that filled the other mans face and echoed in his own heart. "Somewhere there are answers and there is the chance Lois will remember and you know she won't leave anything unturned when she does."

Clark took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his hands. Trying to calm himself down.

"You are upset, understandably so. It's harder to keep a level head when its someone you love, but you and Lois did this for Chloe and yes it didn't get answers to all the questions but that doesn't mean you can't this time."

"I know."

There wasn't much more to be said at that point. Perry decided to write out the rest of the questions and let Clark fill them in later. He looked up at the man who watched his daughter play with the laces of his shoes.

If it wasn't for Bitsie, Clark would have vented his frustrations a lot differently. It was good that she was there however, and he was grateful for how Perry was playing both reporter and friend. Neither of them allowed him to wallow. He didn't have time to wallow and it wasn't productive. He needed to be productive for her and for his sanity.

Perry decided to move this along not only to snap Clark out of his thoughts but because there was a lot left to do. Journalism waited for no one.

"You know you can bring her in. Maybe getting a look around will help."

"I'll suggest it. I don't want to overwhelm her."

"Yeah, I imagine so. She doesn't know that you're... "

"No, I want to tell her I'm just waiting for the right time."

"May never be a right time son." Perry watched him closely before sliding the questions over. "Somethings in life are a big surprise no matter how you package them. That doesn't mean they aren't worth knowing. Lois has always been your biggest supporter. I can't imagine that changing even if she is lacking in the memory department. What I'm trying to say is don't put it off to long waiting for a perfect moment."

"I won't." Clark nodded and reached over to take the paper, thinking back to his mother telling him that he needed to trust Lois to work it out. "I plan to take her to the farm this weekend. I figure maybe it will help her remember something."

Perry stood and came around his desk. "Good idea. Take some time off, not just her, you too."

"Sir wait I..."

"No Kent, you listen up. I don't want to see your face in this office for at least a couple of weeks. If you are that desperate to work write something from home and send it in. Do one of those feel good pieces. You and Sullivan had a knack for it."

Taking a deep breath Clark nodded, "Alright."

"Good. If I do see you in here I want it to be with Lois. You can show her around, the ropes...let her sit in that office of yours and soak up the atmosphere. Whatever works. I have newspapers to sell and this thing is going to put a serious crimp in that."

Clark smiled at last line, "Right sir." Knowing full well Perry cared more about them than the paper that would be fine without them. Though Lois would have insisted otherwise.

"Don't sir me. That's as bad as her 'Chief's." Perry flashed Bitsie a smile before he continued, "Don't give up hope. It may take time but this will work itsself out." Wanting to give hope to the hero who inspires it. "You ...just fill that out." Nodding to the questions "And focus on doing whats best for you two."

"Right." Clark picked up his daughter. Wishing for a split second he could be like her, have someone else handle the mess. But the feeling passed and determination filled its place.

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Clark parked the car at the clinic, where Lois was finishing up her time with a specialist Emil had brought in. Someone who could be trusted if somehow certain information was to come up, like him being superman, and at the same time help Lois figure out how to handle the challenges she faced with her memory.

He hoped more than anything that she benefited. Seeing her torn up, even though she was pretending that she wasn't, was breaking his heart.

Glancing back at Bitsie in the back seat Clark smiled, "Lets go get mommy." Bitsie's blue green eyes stared back but the usual happy babble didn't come.

Clark sighed. It was possible it was just because she was tired but a part of him believed the switch in mood was because of Lois. _Shouldn't have brought up her mother. Stupid dad.  
_  
Just as he moved to get out of the car, the passenger side suddenly opened and he found himself watching Lois get in. Once in her seat she looked at him and gave a tentative smile.

"Hi."

"Hi...you okay?" He hated how he couldn't think of another way to ask her. Of course she wasn't okay.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for coming, I hope I didn't ruin...your plans."

Clark shook his head, "Not at all. You weren't waiting long, were you?"

"No. maybe five minutes tops, your mom had only just left to do some errands." Lois ran her hands down the front of her jeans as if to smooth away wrinkles. Her eyes looked away from him and down at her legs. "I...the time was handy, gossip magazines caught me up in the ever important world of entertainment. I now can rattle off who's dating who, cheating, gay, or become a politician with the best of them."

He would have smiled at the typical Lois humour except he knew that really wasn't what she had intended to say.

Clark wanted to touch her hand but wasn't sure if that would be the right thing to do at this moment. Instead he opted for giving her an opening.

"Did the appointment help?" Sometimes he felt incredibly lame.

Lois nodded, "Yeah I think so." She finally looked back at him and he was relieved to see she didn't seem scared or upset. "I think I'll come back too. Actually I uh, I wanted to see you because I wanted to apologize."

"Lois, you don't have to apologize for anything." Clark frowned. _Why would she even think that?_

Lois put her hand up preventing him from saying more. "Yes I do." She sighed and picked up his hand to hold it between her own, glancing at their hands before looking back up at him. "I let fear dictate my actions and I know that it hurt you and her." She glanced at Bitsie before meeting his eyes. "And I know you don't think that I should apologize for that and maybe I shouldn't. I know that there is no easy way to handle any of this. The good Doctor...well both of them reminded me of that. But still...I feel like I should have done better somehow."

"That is just like you." Clark responded softly, a smile touching the corner of his lips.

"What is?" She still held his hand and they both felt like something, an energy of sorts pass between them. Hope and strength.

With his free hand, Clark reached up and gently tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "You expect perfection from yourself. Being the best partner, reporter, friend, mother..." He sighed and squeezed her hand. "The thing is you are those things, you don't need to be perfect to be what we need. Lois, I'm not expecting you to know how to react or to somehow handle it all when none of us do. I don't know what to say half the time to make it okay for you and it driving me crazy."

Lois felt the blush creep up her face and looked down. Marveling at the way he could make her feel better, that it wasn't just his words but the earnest expression on his face, how his hand felt in between hers. Though she couldn't remember having them before these thoughts about him were hardly new.

Trying to compose herself Lois found the quiet interrupted by a little grunt. The two adults turned to look at the impatient face of a nine month old feeling very neglected. Clark grinned at her, "I'm sorry baby girl. Did we forget you? Shame on daddy."

Bitsie's little face spoke volumes on her agreement. Her gaze went from her dad to her mother after a moment. Clark could tell the cogs in her head were spinning as she was trying to figure out what was going on with her mother. The mother she desperately wanted.

He looked over at Lois and saw her staring with equally intensity at their daughter and wondered what she was thinking. If he didn't do something soon one of the two, if not both, were going to blow. This was not a situation he ever would have imagined himself dealing with.

With a deep sigh Clark broke the silent stare down by announcing, "We're going out for lunch. Full tummies make for happy hearts." Before sending Lois a questioning look he reached back towards Bitsie to give her a dazzling smile and tickle at her tummy. "What do you say?"

The smile turned yawn he got back told him they'd have to make this quick but at least his little girl wasn't about to break out into one of her crying jags. They were rare but when they came they could rival one of Lois' rants or his brood sessions like nothing else. The little girl had a good set of lungs and a sad puppy eyed, bottom lip look that could melt steel.

Lois' eyes met his and she gave a silent nod. Two for two. Now where did he take them? Starting the engine, the perfect place hit him, and he hoped it might spark recognition in the woman beside him.

The ride to the little park wasn't to long despite some traffic. Bitsie fussed for a few minutes before dozing off after a few more words of comfort from her dad and Lois reaching her hand back to the little girl. Clark wondered if she was aware of what she had done or how very motherly it was.

About a half hour later, after a quiet journey, Clark parked the car once again. At seeing the raised eyebrow from Lois, he smiled. "There is a deli just by the park, superb sandwiches, and Bits is fascinated by every little thing here at the park. Which is good because it will keep her occupied. When bored or upset she can be...a handful" He shook his head as he finished and glanced back at the sleeping baby.

"Okay." Lois began to unbuckle and get herself out of the car. "Do I need to take anything?"

"Just make sure you're warm, the wind has a little bite to it." Clark lifted a knapsack from behind his seat and placed it on hers, "There are spare gloves and scarves in that and can you pull out the blanket? Bitsie can sit on it once she wakes up."

Lois grabbed a set of gloves and shoved them in her pockets and a small scarf for around her neck. When she had left early that morning she'd been to preoccupied to care about it. Martha had said something several times but it hadn't connected until they were already out. Luckily it wasn't all that bad considering she spent most of her time inside and it wasn't a particularly cold day, just a teasing wind.

Glancing with concern at Bits, Lois suddenly realized that the baby might get cold and looked up to find Clark watching her. "She'll be fine. There is this little spot that has tree's to buffer the wind and the sun is shining."

Lois gave a nod and watched how he tucked the car seat blanket securely around the little girl before pulling Bitsie's car seat with her in it out gently, swinging her diaper bag over his shoulder with practiced ease.

They both now stood outside the car, staring at each other over the hood, eventually Clark tilted his head for her to follow.

The park was simple but beautiful. A large pond was off to one side and a small woodlet on the other. There were various paths, park benches with trees providing cover here and there. A water fountain with what during the summer would have been flourishing flower beds was set not to far from the entrance. Surprisingly it was fairly quiet for a city park, the thought made her turn and look and Lois realized it must be closer to the suburbs.

They walked side by side down a path, through the tail end of the woods, that led to a couple of large oak like trees with a bench between them. It was out of the main view so it offered privacy but yet they could see the pond from where they were. The grass had warmed up enough that the early morning frost was gone and it still held some of its rich green colour. Fall was determined to keep winter at bay a little longer, the air still had an Autumn smell. The damp gold and red leaves of the tree decorated the ground, shimmering from the sunlight.

"It's beautiful." She found herself whispering out loud.

"Yeah it is." He was looking at her as he agreed and then quickly looked away when she glanced at him." It's our spot, we come here often to talk or just to get out."

"It's quite a bit away from where we live and work...why here?" Lois sat down on the bench continuing to take in the view.

Clark sat Bitsie's car seat down next to her, taking the blanket she handed him, spreading it out on the grass. "We found it when we were house shopping about five years ago." Standing back to his full height he followed her gaze to the pond sparkling in the noon sun. "We may not have found a house but we fell in love with this place."

Lois stomach did an audible growl, she looked up sheepishly at him.

"I think I should go get us our lunch now." Clark glanced at the still sleeping baby.

Lois knew what he was thinking and felt the guilt rise up again for her reaction the night before. "You can leave her with me."

At his hesitation she added, "I'll be fine. I'm not gonna pull another run away mom "

He frowned, " I wasn't think.."

"I know you weren't. I just meant that I'm okay now...can't say I'm not scared but I can handle a few minutes with a sleeping babe. "

Clark nodded and turned Bitsie's seat to face Lois on the bench next to her. "If she wakes before I get back...she has a bottle in the bag."

"Okay." She could tell he was still worried. It was cute how concerned he was for the both of them. But now that she was determined to handle things better, Lois wasn't gonna be put off. "I'll figure it out,.."

Clark caught the determination in her hazel eyes and gave her a nod "Okay, I won't be long."

Once he was out of sight Lois turned her attention to Bitsie. Like sleeping beauty unaware of the world around her, the girl slept in peace despite the tumult waves of emotion crashing through her mom.

_This little girl_ _was hers_ and she _was_her mom. The thought was both scary and...and...nice. No, nice wasn't the right word either. Lois lifted her hand and gently stroked along a soft round cheek before capturing a silky ringlet between her fingers. The sensation sent a tingle down her spine, some unconscious recognition that she had done this before. That it meant something to her.

The words from the journal entries she read last night came back to her. She had been a mother deeply in love with her baby and that baby's father. She could see why with both and Lois knew without a doubt she could love them just as she had only days before.

But fear was an unwanted friend that kept rearing its ugly head. Reminding her that she had no clue what she was doing. That it would be so easy to make a mistake or what if none of this was exactly right? Doctor Cole would tell her that those feelings were normal, to feel displaced, scared, even guilty but still it was hard at times to swallow them back.

She knew she had to. This was never going to get better until she stopped letting the endless paranoid questions running around in her head rule her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to be your mom last night." She said to the sleeping baby. "I'll try better today, I promise."

ღ

Clark hated the fact that a quick errand never felt quick, with super powers or not. There was often something that would happen or interfere. It shouldn't have taken him longer than five minutes to get their food. But by the time he had left the oddly busy deli it was going on 15 minutes. Normally that wouldn't have bothered him but he couldn't shake the worry that Lois was freaking out and Bitsie was in tears.

Relief flooded through him as he used super speed to rush back, slowing to a normal pace on the path and finding as he approached, Lois and their baby sitting on the blanket. Bitsie, very much awake, was smiling up at her mother who was smiling back, talking away. It looked like it came straight out of his memory.

Clark stopped and couldn't resist listening before he ruined their moment.

"_You can't poop for me okay. Don't laugh...I don't remember how to change a diaper."_  
Bitsie clapped her hands at the expression on her moms face.

"_I'm serious. So okay. No pooping...what else? Oh...no spitting food at me, or just spitting up on me. You're not too old for that now are you? Lets hope so huh..." _He could hear the laugh in her voice. She was genuinely alright and even enjoying herself. It was more than he had ever expected at this point.

Smiling to himself, Clark resumed his journey toward them, feeling lighter on his feet. Bitsie noticed him first which gave him slight pause, _she couldn't have his hearing already? Could she?_

The baby had turned her head his direction, grinning and pointing a wet fist at him before putting the same fist back in her mouth where she preferred it.

Lois looked over as well and gave him a shy smile. Her eyes gave him equal pause as Bitsie's hearing had. They were shining at him. As if she wasn't just happy to see him because he was one of the few people she currently trusted but rather that she..liked him.

No-memory-Lois was looking at him shyly and biting her bottom lip. _Oh gawd did she have any clue of what that did to him? The way his body reacted from such a simple action.  
_  
Clearing his throat, Clark arranged their food and pulled out Bitsie's bottle. After a few moments he looked up to find Lois watching him. Her eyes still shining with intensity, emotions he wasn't entirely sure he could read and a little afraid to. What if he was wrong?

Her hand brushed his as she took her sandwich and Clark swallowed. Reminding himself that they were a long way from her being ready for...anything like what his body ached to have. Even a kiss would satisfy, but he needed her to be ready, to want it the same way he did.

He just wanted her back, whole and complete.

"I wanted to tell you something...well okay more like ask. I mean its just..." Lois frowned at her inept way of putting this. And she was supposed to be a journalist, really?

Clark put his sandwich down, his own nerves causing his appetite to disappear. "You can ask me anything, or tell me anything. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I do. I just don't know how to say it." She bit her bottom lip again and took a deep breath. "I probably shouldn't..it can wait. It's not like we have to rush."

When she looked down, her cheeks coloured and not by the weather, Clark reacted out of instinct. His hand gently touching her chin, slowly lifting her face up till her beautiful hazel eyes locked with his.

"Lois I would do anything to help you. Anything, whatever you want or think you need. Even if it's space..I'd give that to you."

Lois shook her head quickly, pulling herself away from his touch that sent fire down her nerves. "No.. I don't want space."

Clark tried not to stare at her lips or in anyway that showed how much he wanted to kiss her. Her rambling, her nervous behavior reminded him of when they first started dating and it was simply irresistible.

He knew he failed to hide it when she looked back up into his eyes and the hands they both leaned on against the blanket met with the slightest of touches and her breath hitched.

Before he could say something, apologize for making her uncomfortable, Bitsie demanded attention. He pulled her into his lap and was surprised when Lois moved to sit on her knees directly in front of him.

Their eyes locked again.

"I don't want space from you. I want to know you." She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, "I mean I want to try and get to know us. You and me. I know that I loved you..." Lois raised one shoulder up awkwardly as she tried to explained, "because I know how you make me feel now when I don't remember a moment of it. I think I can be mom and I'd like your help."

Clark had no clue what to say. His mind was stuck on the statement of love, the implication that she had feelings for him now. When she began to shift uncomfortably he realized he had to say something or risk ruining this for her.

"Go on a date with me tomorrow!"

Lois' eyes widened and Clark added quickly, "Let me take you out. No pressures..no expectations and I can tell you about us. Anything you want to know."

Lips of perfection formed into a smile that lit a fire in the pit of his stomach, warming him from head to toe.

"I would love to, very much." A soft reply that would be forever cherished. Held tight in his heart.

ღ

* * *

Bad? Good? throw in the trash'? Comments are cookies and I'm a starving cookie fiend! please help!


	6. Chapter 5 - Connections

Thanks to all, I really appreciate all the support and comments, and readers .. here or Ksite.

**A/N:**Okay my lovely readers. Its looooooooonger than I intended, took longer to write then I wanted but here it is. Threw in a few tiny extra goodies cause of the wait. Terribly nervous about certain parts.. Hope its worth the wait.

**NOTE: **I've now split this super long chapter into two parts. Part A and B. This way if its to long to read in one go you can read them by parts. The split works out nicely since A. is before the date and B. is the date.

**Previously on...**

_"Lois I would do anything to help you. Anything, whatever you want or think you need. Even if it's space..I'd give that to you."_

_Lois shook her head quickly, pulling herself away from his touch that sent fire down her nerves. "No.. I don't want space." _

_Clark tried not to stare at her lips or in anyway that showed how much he wanted to kiss her. Her rambling, her nervous behavior reminded him of when they first started dating and it was simply irresistible._

_He knew he failed to hide it when she looked back up into his eyes and the hands they both leaned on against the blanket met with the slightest of touches and her breath hitched. _

_Before he could say something, apologize for making her uncomfortable, Bitsie demanded attention. He pulled her into his lap and was surprised when Lois moved to sit on her knees directly in front of him._

_Their eyes locked again._

_"I don't want space from you. I want to know you." She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, "I mean I want to try and get to know us. You and me. I know that I loved you..." Lois raised one shoulder up awkwardly as she tried to explained, "because I know how you make me feel now when I don't remember a moment of it. I think I can be mom and I'd like your help."_

_Clark had no clue what to say. His mind was stuck on the statement of love, the implication that she had feelings for him now. When she began to shift uncomfortably he realized he had to say something or risk ruining this for her._

_"Go on a date with me tomorrow!" _

_Lois' eyes widened and Clark added quickly, "Let me take you out. No pressures..no expectations and I can tell you about us. Anything you want to know."_

_Lips of perfection formed into a smile that lit a fire in the pit of his stomach, warming him from head to toe._

_"I would love to, very much." A soft reply that would be forever cherished. Held tight in his heart._

* * *

**Chapter Four - Connections****  
ღ**

Part A

* * *

Little hands grasped the block somewhat clumsily and big blue-green eyes looked up into her own. Waiting for something, Lois wasn't sure what, but she smiled softly at the girl and pointed at the triangle shaped hole in the bright yellow bucket. "Does it go here, you think?"

The corner of Bitsie's mouth lifted up causing her to look very much like her father. "Eh.." was her reply as she held the block up to her mom.

"You want me to try it?" Lois took it, marveling at the soft baby skin that brushed her own and the trust given to her. "I can do that. Hmm"

She pretended to suddenly be unsure of which hole it was supposed to go in. Trying the circle she looked over at Bitsie with wide eyes and a surprised voice, "it doesn't fit! What do we do?"

The baby just stared up at her with happy anticipation as if to say 'You tell me, mom'. Lois gave a light chuckle and tried the square, once again giving Bitsie a surprised look. "Nope not that one either."

She moved the triangle over to the right hole and leaned down so she was eye level with Bits. "Let's try this..." She plopped the triangle in and grinned, mostly from the expression on Bitsie's face. A look of pleasant surprise and wonder. Lois clapped her hands and Bitsie gave half a clap in response before pulling the whole yellow bucket to her.

Laughing softly, Lois pulled the cover off so the baby could pull all the shapes out. Bitsie seemed to enjoy the game over and over even if the outcome was nearly always the same.

After half a minute of watching the little girl pull blocks out and put them back in and pull them out again in some game where only she knew the rules, Lois looked up at the closet that loomed before her. Taunting her with its secrets and truths. Some of which were one and the same. Lois despised the knot in the middle of her stomach as she glared at the closet. Her task was simple, pick out something nice to wear for their date tonight.

A date. She was going on a date tonight, it didn't seem real though it felt completely right.

She had only came to life three days before. Everything in her world encased in those hours and what she had learned in them. From terror in a realization that there was a void to these feelings of care for a man she didn't remember.

_It was only a closet right? With clothes and shoes and other closet-y things. _

Lois rolled her eyes. It had become easier to spend time with a baby than it had to look around the apartment and face all the unanswered questions. Apparently cowardice could change its preference.

"Mamoammama" the string of babble direct at her brought Lois out of her reflection.

"What's wrong, Pocket?" Using the nickname she learned earlier that morning from Clark was her personal one for Bitsie. Lois found she quite liked it and it seem to come naturally.

Bitsie rubbed her face and fussed. Martha had mentioned earlier that she was teething, the reason for the constant fist in her mouth and drool. Also why the baby could switch moods on a dime.

There was no way she could resist those bright blue-green sad eyes directed at her. Once she had given in to holding the little girl there was no going back. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Picking her up and standing, Lois gave a small smile which grew as Bitsie laid her head against Lois' chest, rubbing a small hand down her mothers arm.

Love. Unconditional love. It felt good in a world of confusion and uncertainty.

Without thinking about it Lois held the baby closer and swayed from side to side, unbeknownst to her she was being watched by the man who stood outside her door. Falling in love with her all over again as she continued to re-bond with her baby.

Lois closed her eyes for a moment continuing to sway and found herself humming, unaware it was something she had done many times before. Bitsie loved the particular song, occasionally humming back as she continued to rub her hand on her mothers arm.

But the closet was still there, and she still needed to pick a dress.

"Just open it." She ordered herself.

Sway.

Okay so she wasn't going to do it. What was she afraid of exactly? Lois wasn't sure. Maybe like Martha suggested it would be easier if one of them was there with her.

As if summoned, Martha was poking her head in the door. "Lois? You alright?" She came just inside the room, Lois felt a tad naked in front of her. Completely clothed but this woman seemed to understand her when she didn't and it caused this strange sensation of being exposed and also comforted at the same time.

"If you call being terrified to open a closet and go through my own stuff okay, then yeah sure I'm peachy." Lois said with a disparaging sigh.

Martha smiled softly at the way Lois was holding Bitsie but turned to give her full attention back to the woman. "Oh Lois. Come here." Martha went over and gently guided Lois to sit on the bed. "Do you want my help?"

Lois nodded.

"Why don't we start with what you'll wear tonight. We can move on from there." Martha began, patting her on the shoulder before opening the closet door.

It was a bit of a let down when it came to how she felt once the door was opened. Somehow Lois had expected to feel something more..profound. When she had opened it the first night she slept in the room she had done so a bit absentmindedly. Only later recalling the action and having the sense that she liked Clark's flannels. That had been confirmed when she had found a few folded nicely in her pj drawer.

They were rather very comfortable.

Martha riffled through Lois clothes, which sported everything from classy to odd. Lois raised a brow a couple times at the strange outfits she had hanging up. Including some leather get up and a warrior princess short skirt deal. Neither of which was going to help her tonight.

"Do you want to wear a dress?"

"Would I usually?"

"I think so. You seem to like to dress up when you and Clark go out." Martha responded honestly. Watching Lois' reaction carefully. "However, you have some very nice blouse and pant combo's. It can be a bit cold at night."

When Lois had nothing to say but a shrug of her shoulders Martha turned back to the closet. She pulled out two tops and a couple of dresses more suitable for the weather, sexy but not overly so, since this date was about Lois getting to know them. Clark had enough issues to deal with then to have Lois driving him crazy with something designed for that purpose.

She placed them all down on the bed. "I think these are your best options."

Lois glanced down at them, shifting the now dozing Bitsie in her arms so she could feel the fabrics. For a brief second she saw a flash of the maroon knitted dress on her as if she was looking down at herself, smoothing the dress out. The style of the dress worked well to treat it like a tunic, putting it with leggings if she needed too. Pretty, subtly elegant, and flattering, it would clearly form around her shape, yet modest enough for the type of date they were going on.

Smiling Lois lifted it up, having made her choice. "I'll wear this." Again a flash of memory passed through her mind. For the first time she clearly saw Clark looking approvingly at her but that was all.

The migraine that hit right after was enough to cause her to lean forward, almost forgetting she had the baby in her arms.

Martha frowned and stopped her before anything even remotely had a chance to happen. "Lois! Honey, you okay?" Lois had gone pale and once Bitsie was taken from her arms put a hand to her head.

"Just a headache. I think I need to lay down." She cracked open an eye and looked over at her daughter who looked dazed having suddenly been woke up. "I'm sorry..I seem to keep getting out of looking through my stuff."

Martha shook her head feeling a little worried, trying not to show it, "No, its fine and you'll look when you are ready there is no reason to rush." She shifted Bitsie a bit in her arms. "Besides it's going on lunch time, and this little girl here is a lot like her father...has the appetite of a construction crew. " She said with a smile as she lightly tickled Bitsie's belly. Who giggled before sighing and leaning into her grandmother.

"I just need a bit I think." Lois began when Martha gently hung the clothes back up with her spare hand.

"Take as long as you need. Bitsie will be fine and you need to rest. I'll wake you with a enough time to get ready. "

Lois stared at them a moment watching her daughters face. Once certain she'd be okay she nodded at Martha and laid back on the pillow.

The pounding of her head was at war with the thumping of her heart. She had actually remembered Clark. A flash, a quick flash of his face but it was something...not even the pain could take her joy away from the brief step forward.

ღ

* * *

Clark took a deep breath glancing again at the General's number and shook his head. No, he needed to tell him in person. Tomorrow, he'd deal with it tomorrow. One more day wouldn't make a difference and knowing or not wasn't going to change anything for Lois either.

Deep down he had hoped Lois would just snap out of this and have her memory back and they'd never have to tell anyone. Obviously that wasn't going to happen.

The whole thing still felt a little unreal to him and that therein lay the problem, it was hard to tell people. To say it and act on it when it felt like some sort of nightmare. Telling Sam or a good deal of others would make it real and Clark could admit to himself he wasn't really ready for that.

The only people who knew so far were Emil, Jimmy, his mom, Bruce, Perry and John. A small circle that made it feel like he had a handle on it.

Reality was, like Lois, he was along for the ride with no answers. Going over Perry's questions he had been able to fill something into most of them but it added up to nothing just the same. Bruce and John, despite everything else they were doing, had done a little of their own investigating. Emil was doing what he could.. Clark himself had gone back as Superman the night before, had a look, asked questions but the truth was unless something new came up, unless Lois remembered something, the answers weren't there.

Just like it had been with Chloe.

The pain from that thought pushed Clark up from his seat on the sofa. Swooping up Bitsie who looked ready to nod off, Clark gave his mother a smile before heading down the hall.

Bitsie yawned and rubbed her eyes. Attempting to convince herself and her dad she wasn't tired she scowled at him when he placed her in the crib and began to fuss.

"Hey, you need a nap baby girl."

The scowl deepened and she reached her arms up and protested loudly, clearly disagreeing.

Clark put his hands on his hips, subconsciously taking his hero pose and shook his head. "Your mom and I need to get ready and lets not be a grouchy girl for grandma okay?"

The pouty lip came out full force, eyes took on the puppy dog shape and Clark, who wasn't as immune to it as he wanted to be felt his heart melt at the 'poor me Kent' look. Determined not to give in he began to do the nap routine.

The teething baby won after several failed attempts. In her triumph Clark quickly had his turn in the bathroom, gathering the last of what he needed to finish getting ready and brought it to her room before placing her down to play with the few clothes remaining in the laundry basket.

She'd fall asleep eventually. Teething had her usual routine disrupted, nevermind the current issues going on around her.

Clark hummed as he closed the door and fussed with his shirt while looking in the mirror. The mirror that took up the length of the door and surprised him when Lois had insisted on it.

_"She'll need it for dress-up."_

_"I thought you didn't care for princesses."_

_"I don't care for damsels in distress, no. Not all princesses, Smallville, are prissy, I quite like Rapunzel." Bringing up the Disney movie that Lois, Chloe, Jimmy and their boys favoured. "And Mulan."_

_"Mulan isn't a princess."_

_"Not the point."_

_Lois had placed the chest she'd been hiding in the back closet out and put it before him. Her swollen belly had made it a bit hard for her to see her feet or even know she had put it down backwards. While they talked he quickly had turned it around, wisely choosing not to say a thing. Her size had been a sensitive issue despite how beautiful and wonderful he found it. After all it was his baby, their baby, she had been carrying._

_"And the horse is your favorite character in the movie." He did point that out._

_Lois rolled her eyes. "Yes, but Rapunzel impresses me. She is strong, adventurous and can wield a frying pan. No man should mess with a frying pan wielding woman, Flynn can tell you this." She said with a matter of fact grin before nodding to the chest._

_"Well, open it."_

_Clark raised a brow. Somehow they had ended up on this topic and Lois was buying dress up clothes for their child who had yet to arrive. Since long ago he had come to expect the unexpected with Lois, Clark accepted it giving a nod and gently lifted the old chest lid up slowly._

_He had been pleasantly surprised to find all sorts of little clothes. Tiny army outfits, a nurses getup, pretend doctor paraphernalia, play spy gadgets, little papers and pens with a blank name plate._

_When he glanced up at her Lois smiled shyly, "She might want to pretend to be a journalist like her mom and dad. Or maybe the editor-in-chief. Once we decide on a name we can get it put on there."_

_Clark smiled. It was perfect, the whole of it. It even included a couple of princess dresses and a super hero costume much like his own._

_"The chest belong to my mother and the General picked up a few of the items. I want her to believe she can be anything, do anything, even if it's just for moments at a time."_

So the mirror she insisted on had gone up without an argument. Who was he to deny his daughter the world, even if it was only pretend. Princess or a little General, it didn't matter.

Another reason he was in love with Lois Lane.

Adjusting his collar and smoothing down his shirt, Clark glanced down at Bitise who was now laying on the clothes she had only moments before been playing with. "Tie or no tie?"

She simply smiled up at him lazily teething on her fingers. Grinning back he gave a slight nod, "No tie it is. We know how your mother feels about them."

Taking in his appearance in the mirror, how he was getting ready for a like a date with Lois, Clark was hit by a strong wave of emotion and memory. Reminded of years before when everything between them as a couple was new and how both scary and exciting it had been.

The only woman who had ever made him sick with nervous anticipation and incredibly and maddeningly happy at the same time.

Of course, like so much of their relationship through the years, their start had been anything but 'normal'.

* * *

ღ **November 2008 (s8)**

"Are you going to explain to me what the hell you were thinking?"

Clark looked up from his computer to see Chloe coming towards him like she was going to rearrange his face. The fact she couldn't was beside the point. He swallowed, having a pretty good idea what the issue was.

He was in for it.

"Sorry?" Clark replied opting to pretend he was clueless, a fairly easy task considering how often he felt like he was in a boat without an oar when it came to Chloe or her cousin.

Chloe's face turned a slight shade of red. That was so not a good sign. "You know very well what I am referring to, Clark."

Glancing around the bull pen, Clark decided to move this conversation, and the impending explosion that was likely to happen, some place less public. Standing, he put an arm around Chloe and steered them towards the copy room. Chloe huffed and rolled her shoulders to make Clark drop his arm as they arrived at the copy room door.

Stepping in, she barely let him close the door before she pounced again. "Did you black out the fact you slept with my cousin?"

Really no possible way to play dumb to that question, unless he pretended actual amnesia.

"No." He stated back. His lack of explanation only seemed to make things worse.

"What were you thinking? My gawd Clark, do you have any clue what you have done?!"

Eyebrows furrowed together, Clark shook his head. "What exactly does this have to do with you?"

"Normally, it wouldn't have anything to do with me. But my cousin is in a state. One I haven't seen her in since Oliver. And as her shoulder to cry on and _your _friend that puts me here!"

Clark frowned, despite how close the cousins were he couldn't really see Lois telling Chloe about their unexpected night together. At least not this soon after it happened.

As if reading his thoughts Chloe smirked, "She didn't. I put two and two together and got five, and she is being..." now Chloe frowned. "...odd." More like oddly emotional. "I just can't believe you did this!"

"I did this? Why do you assume it's my fault?" Clark crossed his arms.

"You're gonna blame my cousin for this? Way to live up to the stereotype!" Chloe crossed her arms in return.

"That's not what I meant!"

Chloe raised a brow, "What did you mean, Clark?" Her voice had gone dangerously sweet.

Clark sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I just...It just happened!"

"Uh huh...so you just happened to sleep with my cousin? Did your clothes miraculously fall off? Accidentally stick-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." She was getting enjoyment now out of this. _What was it with her and Lois going from one emotion to another at a flip of a switch?_

Clark glared at her in exasperation, "Chloe, has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, I'm struggling with how to deal with this, too?" Before she had a chance to respond he continued, pacing back and forth in front of the copy room door.

"We were arguing, one of those kind where she starts giving me unflattering elaborate nicknames," Chloe nodded for him to continue when he glanced up at her, "and next thing I knew I kissed her and ..." he wasn't about to say that it was Lois who started undressing him. Clark didn't want it to come off like he was blaming her. "I don't really know how it happened but one thing led to another..."

There was giggling. Clark momentarily lost his train of thought as he looked over at Chloe who was bent over in mirth.

"What's so funny?!" he demanded. The situation wasn't funny from any angle that Clark could see.

"You...her..." Chloe attempted to straighten herself and speak coherently through the giggles, "I love...you...both...but seriously. Clark...that wasn't a 'just happened' situation." Seeming to have gained some control of herself she continued while staring him down. "You two have been heading for this since last century!"

Clark leaned a hand against the door and looked down at his feet for a moment. Trying to gather his thoughts and figure out what exactly he was supposed to be feeling in that moment.

"My problem isn't that you slept together. It's the timing of it."

Looking up at her sharply, Clark blinked, "What?" Now he really was confused.

"You've only been on a couple of 'dates'." Chloe tagged the word with air-quotes. "Clark, you left Smallville for five months. I don't think you realize exactly how hard Lois took that."

"That was over a year ago."

"That is not the point. You came back and Lois pretended to be fine and she's been there for you. She was trying to give you space to get over Lana but what do you do? You join her at the Planet. You have her over at the farm with you. You even ask her to move in and I still don't get why she agreed to it!"

Clark frowned, "And I still don't get what your issue is, Chloe."

"Gawd, you don't see it and she keeps trying to gloss it over, but I know what is going on because I've seen you do it before! Clark, is my cousin a rebound for Lana? If you break her heart I will break you!"

"What?" Clark felt the air in his lungs suddenly leave his body like a kryptonite punch to the gut. "How could you even think- How could you think that?"

Chloe glared at him, "Have the fumes from that broken down tractor finally deadened your brain cells? Lois has been there to hold your hand since you came back. You've leaned on her more then you ever did me and that is great. But it does beg the question: Are you turning her into some Lana-replacement? She has no guarantee that the other night wasn't just some sort of over-the-counter tension release and loneliness cure."

Sighing, Clark leaned back against the door. "It's not what it is. Lois has never… Lois isn't a replacement for anyone. It hurt when Lana died and yes it did play a factor in why I left but it wasn't the only reason."

"Then what, Clark? What other reasons could you have had for leaving us?"

There it was the other punch in the gut. He couldn't tell her the full truth about why he had left because he had been forced to take those memories away from her in order to save her. Couldn't tell her that Lois knew why but she never could. That upon returning, Lois had become his sun lighting his way.

He didn't even think about Lana anymore. One day, months before, Clark came to realize his loud and bossy best friend stirred some very non platonic feelings inside of him. Feelings that made how he felt for Lana pale in comparison.

Lois wasn't a replacement because there simply wasn't anyone who could compare to her. Problem was he had no real idea if their night together meant the same to her as it did to him. It had been unplanned and he felt a great deal of unhappiness for how it happened, just not that it did.

"Chloe, I've explained to Lois why. That I needed to clear my head, to figure out what I wanted. Lois isn't some replacement." He looked at her, pleading her to understand. "She could never be."

"Why, Clark? Because you care about her? I don't doubt that you do but I'm sorry to break it to you, caring about..."

"No, I don't care about her." Chloe's jaw dropped.

Realizing how that sounded he quickly blurted out, "I love her!"

It was Chloe's turn to try and find her bearings. She leaned back against the copy machine and after a moment softly asked, "When? How? I mean I know you… I just didn't think you would this soon."

The surprise she felt couldn't compare to the realization he had when Lois had laid in his arms and the full truth of his feelings had hit him. Clark had known he was in love with her but how deep it went, how maddeningly crazy he was over her hadn't hit until he had been able to express it physically.

Clark Kent couldn't see a future without Lois Lane.

"I'm not sure how long. When I first came back I just wanted to move on. I busied myself but the truth is I only really felt happy around her. Chloe, Lois couldn't be replacing Lana because I never felt this way around Lana. You know the fun you and I have together, I never had that with Lana either. I wanted to but even when we were together there was always this..."

"Sadness."

"Yeah. But with you and Lois I don't feel sad and Lois makes me feel..." He wasn't sure there was an adequate word to describe what how Lois made him feel.

Chloe nodded, "I get it. I do." She gave him a tentative smile, "I see that I have been superseded in the best friend department."

"No, Chloe I could never -" Chloe held up a hand.

"Yes, Clark, I have and have been for some time and that's the way it should be. Jimmy and I are starting a life together now so I can't go to you for everything because I have him and you should have someone." She now wore a beaming smile that sent relief tingling down his spine. "I'm glad it's Lois. I think she does a much better job of beating you out of your brood sessions than I ever could."

Clark smiled and shook his head at that.

"Please make sure she knows, Clark, because I'm not sure she does. You need to talk to her. Really talk to her."

"I tried but she's been avoiding me."

Chloe nodded, "I noticed. She's had my couch for the last four nights. I'm worried that she has the wrong idea about this."

"I want to talk to her, Chloe. I've left her messages and waited for her to come into work but..."

"Okay, I'll help this one time." She pointed him, "After that you are on your own and I mean it Clark, you break her heart I will kick your plaid ass." She meant every word.

"I won't." Clark held up his hands "I promise! But how are you going to help? I don't see Lois agreeing to meet me or to willingly come back to the farm just because you tell her she should."

It was a devious grin that filled Chloe's face. "That's why she won't know what she has agreed to." Chloe pulled her cell out of her jacket pocket. "Be free tonight. I'll text you the coordinates."

"Um, okay." Clark turned and stepped out of her way as she moved for the door. Now that he wasn't the focus of her anger he appeared to be at the mercy of her plotting. It seemed it was a family trait to find ways to completely hijack his life in some shape or form.

Lois did it all the time at the farm or here at work, and now Chloe was in order to make sure Lois would continue to do so.

Clark found he really didn't mind all that much.

Now he just had to hope he could fix this between him and Lois. It wasn't just a notion that sex complicated things or that even love could complicate a friendship – it was a truth.

**Two nights Later**

Clark tugged at his tie and sighed. His palms were sweating and he couldn't seem to get his fingers to work. _It's just a date_...what was he thinking. It _was _a date. This was big, no longer the safe territory of 'like a date' to protect either of them. They had gone beyond that threshold.

"You know, Clark, you're better off just ditching the tie." Chloe's voice broke into his thoughts.

He turned from the mirror to watch her come up the last few steps to the loft. "Or you could help me."

Chloe shook her head making her blond curls and waves bounce across her shoulders. "Not my area of expertise." She stated simply as she came to stand beside him, appraising his appearance.

Clark raised a brow."I thought everything was your area of expertise. Including my love life." Once again he lifted a slightly shaking hand to the mangled knot in his tie.

Putting a hand over his Chloe smiled at his nervousness, "Speaking of which: Lois prefers you without one, she likes the open shirt look." She pushed his hand away and began to undo the knot, pulling the tie from around his neck, "Of course her preference is you shirtless."

"Chloe!" Clark took a step away as if that would shield him from her teasing.

"Oh, come on. You and I both know it's true. It's just too bad you can't give her what she wants at a swanky restaurant."

"As opposed to one with a no shirt policy?" Clark sighed as Chloe stepped forward and smoothed out his shirt and adjusted his collar, making sure the top two buttons were undone.

"There are strip joints that cater to women." She winked at him. "Not that you'd ever know that, Mr. Wingate."

"Did you come here to help or just give me a hard time?" He glared at her. _What was with her? _She was enjoying this change in his and Lois' relationship a little too much.

Chloe grinned and patted him on the shoulder before moving past him to sit on the sofa, "A bit of both actually." At the way he glanced in the mirror Chloe leaned forward, "Wow, you must be nervous. I think I see sweat."

Looking at her via the mirror Clark swallowed, "I don't want to screw it up. This isn't like before."

"What could possibly go wrong? Look, Lois knows you. She is in the house right now just as nervous." Chloe rolled her eyes and gave a chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all. "Only you two could go from house mates to whatever this is. You do realize that generally people date first before they move in together?" Or sleep together was the unspoken thought.

Clark turned to see the teasing twinkle in her eyes "Ha ha, Chloe. At least she is sleeping in her room again."

"Yes, there is that. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind my cousin crashing at my place but when it has to do with you, let's just say I don't begrudge you getting the Whitesnake side of Lois all to yourself." Chloe laughed, glad to see Clark relax a little.

"Couldn't we hand over that part to um…Jimmy?" Clark asked, partly serious.

"Are you kidding? He likes Abba. I 'm forced to listen to Dancing Queen enough as it is, let's not add 80's Hair metal into the equation" She laughed before giving Clark a glare.

Now he understood why Chloe for a while had nicknamed Jimmy 'Dancing Queen'. Clark grinned, "Would he even consider it?"

"Not likely, and I have no desire to risk it." Chloe stood back up, growing serious again. "Clark, tonight is going to go fine. As long as you treat my cousin right, you have nothing to fear from me. "

Nothing to fear. What he feared the most was that some how some thing would happen and he'd lose Lois. Now that he had accepted he was in love with her and would never want anyone else, old fears had returned. Clark lifted his hands and placed them on Chloe's shoulders, "I promise I won't hurt her."

He hoped to god he could keep that promise.

She must have seen some of his fear for Chloe put her hands on his shoulders and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Will you stop that! I have to threaten you because she's my cousin and I love her but, Clark, I know how much you care for her. I think you need to stop worrying about the past and be happy here and now."

Chloe pulled away and once again smoothed down his shirt, "My best friend gave me a great piece of advice right before he walked me down the aisle. He said that I deserve to be happy so I need to let it all go and trust in what we have? Well, trust what you and Lois have." Happy to say it now that she knew for sure Clark wasn't replacing Lana.

Clark had begun to nod but stopped, "Chloe, Lois and I haven't actually been in a relationship for the last few years."

"But you have had a good friendship for years. You know her and she knows you. It may not have been romantic, or perhaps better termed non platonic until recently," She ignored the glare Clark gave her as she continued, "but you have everything you need already to trust in. You know this." She gave him a pointed look before turning around. "Now, I have Lois waiting in the house and it's almost time for you to 'pick her up' so," Chloe snapped her fingers, "get ready. I better get in there and make sure she's not gone on some sort of nervous breakdown coffee binge."

Clark turned an ear towards the house and heard Lois muttering and what sounded like pacing. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea." Realizing that Chloe no longer remembered he had super hearing he added, "If she is ...would you tell her I..."

He couldn't think of anything, blank on the way he should word what he was feeling. He didn't want Lois to worry. "Tell her I..." he frowned.

"I got it, Clark." She smiled reassuringly. "She'll be ready on time so you better be at that door to pick her up in five." Chloe couldn't understand why they didn't have him pick Lois up from her place. Instead they had to go and make it twice as awkward for themselves by living together and trying to do that date thing properly after having slept together.

Shaking her head, Chloe left. Clark watched her go before turning back to look in the mirror having very similar thoughts himself. After a moment a slow grin filled his face, happiness reflecting back at him from his own eyes. Suddenly his nerves calmed as a sense of excitement filled him.

He was going on a date with Lois.

She was nervous about going on a date with him. The brave and formidable Lois Lane liked him that way so much that she was pacing.

_How had this happened?_

* * *

ღ

He was startled out of his thoughts by the door opening slightly. Martha poked her head in.

"Clark," She began softly. "Bits will be due for pain reliever soo..." She stopped and shook her head, giving a nod to the laundry basket on the floor next to the crib.

Clark looked over to see his baby sound asleep on the clothes in the basket. He gave his mother a sheepish shrug. "It works doesn't it?"

"You are so like your father you really are." Martha responded failing to hid a smile. She picked the baby up gently and placed her in the crib.

"I hate I'll have to wake her shortly."

Clark came over to stand next to her, placing his large hand across the little girls stomach. Feeling the steady rise and fall of her breathing, the rapid thumping of her heart. He could comfort her, give her everything within his power, protect her but there was still certain things beyond his capablities. Even half Kryptonian babies it seemed had to go through teething, feverish long nights.

With a sigh Clark put a hand on his mothers shoulder the other still on his child. "I'm sorry for all the late nights lately."

Martha looked up at him, "Oh Clark, I love this! I love that you and Lois, trust me and that I get to be so much a part of Bitsie's life. I didn't get to have this part with you but I get it with my Granddaughter, it means a lot to me and you and Lois shouldn't feel bad. " She continued to reassure him in barely a whisper but some how still managing to put so much feeling into it. "You are good parents. Being Superman or even catching that story and missing a few late nights are not hurting her. She'll be proud when she is older and all she knows now is that she is loved. "

"I know."

"Good. Please don't worry Clark, have a wonderful evening with Lois." His mother's loving blues eyes gave him silent permission to not worry, knowledge that he wasn't judged. He needed it.

"Besides," She continued, "I think Bits and I found a pretty good routine for these nights. We are a half way through Winnie-the-Pooh."

Clark chuckled, "Okay." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "If you need us Mom call. I imagine we'll be back before you finish reading anyway."

"Maybe" Martha smiled lightly in return.

* * *

**ღ**

**Part B**

* * *

_Does she realize how beautiful she is?_

It was a thought he had many times and even though at this moment things were not the same, more different then they had ever been, she was still amazing.

Beautiful not just for her flawless form but who she was. Even without memories she had so much 'Lois' about her. Starved for her touch he found her presence in the taxi, sitting next to him looking the way she did to be both frustrating and enchanting.

Since their conversation yesterday she seemed more and more at ease and less agitated. Emil had warned that it was normal for someone in Lois position to suffer anxiety, confusion and to swing widely with her emotions, but it was hard to watch. It was why at that moment it felt good to see her relaxing.

He had an aching hope with how she sat close to him, her leg grazing his own, and she even how she had taken his hand. They could and would get through this.

Though she was the one making the physical connections Clark didn't push them. He held her hand lightly, just enough to give comfort but not enough to where she couldn't retract if she wanted. But the sensation of her slender hand entwined with his own brought with it memories and feelings he couldn't share with her. Not yet.

A part of him was concerned that this evening was happening to soon. How would she be tomorrow? Yet denying her the chance to move forward would send a message he didn't mean either. It was hard to be in this position, wanting to re-share all of himself, desiring all of her and knowing that he had to be patient, a kind of patience he wasn't use to.

Shortly after they got into the taxi, when it stopped at a red light, Lois looked over at him, "So..why are we here. You know rather than you taking us?" She kept her voice low.

Clark smiled softly, "Parking is a nightmare. We tried it in the past and after one really bad experience you decided we'd get a taxi whenever we would go to Sabatino's." He of course didn't say that sometimes he took her there himself. Generally her favorite mode of transportation.

While he had no intentions of lying to her he knew she wasn't ready for the Superman bomb shell just yet. Patience. This waiting was gonna kill him.

Lois gave a slight nod and glanced back out the windows. Her eyes wide as she took in every detail, trying desperately to recall anything. One sign made her pause, a reaction that surprised both her and Clark when her breath hitched and she gripped his hand tighter.

"Lois, you okay?"

She turned trying to follow the sign as they went past but it was out of sight far to fast to understand why she felt such a rush of … she wasn't even sure what it was. Just that her heart had sped up and for a second she couldn't breathe, but it wasn't fear.

"I don't know." She turned her head to face him, "I saw...this sign, I'm not even sure what it was for...I think it might have been a restaurant or a cafe and I ..." She frowned.

Clark glanced back noting the street they were on. "I think I know what it was." He looked back at her. "It was a round sign?"

"Yes." Lois nodded. Eagerly wanting to understand what it was she had felt.

"That's the Metro coffee stop. We'd go there to wind down from the day or sometimes on a break. And I uh..." He felt suddenly really awkward. "I proposed to you there."

Clark felt relief at the relaxed expression on her face. Lois raised a brow, "Oh?" obviously wanting him to continue, to elaborate.

Bolstered by her interest he continued carefully but with confidence. "I kept trying to propose to you in obviously better settings. Fancy restaurant, even a romantic dinner at home once but situations kept popping up. I managed to get you there one evening. Technically a source had failed to show up, so you texted me to meet you there."

He smiled remembering how nervous he had been, unable to handle feeling the weight of the ring box in his pocket. "So, when I arrived and saw you standing there I just...I couldn't wait another moment."

"So you proposed right outside?"

"Yes." It was all a little more complicated then that but it required involving the Blur into the discussion.

Her eyes scanned him over as if she was trying to picture the scene. Clark tried not to fidget, she was the only one outside of his mother that could make him feel antsy.

Lois gave him a smile before looking back out the window. Clark was a mystery to her one that she found herself enjoying. While she often felt overwhelmed by the rest of it she didn't when it came to him, yet she couldn't quite make sense of him either. Clark Kent was both quiet and bold and though she felt and believed his sincerity she didn't feel he was the 'What you see was what you got' person he came off to be.

It grew quiet between them though Lois continued to keep her hand in his. The streets began to change till it was clear they had entered a section of Metropolis that catered to the more classy venues. Various restaurants, a jazz club and even a theater were just some of the places along the street. Her eyes fell on the Sabatino's sign as the taxi came to a stop. It appeared to be a very nice place just from the outside and to her surprise there was also a small line to get in.

Clark paid the driver and got out and came around to open her door. Offering his hand as she stepped out. "Are you sure we can eat here? I mean don't you need a reservation?"

"Yes and yes."

"So we have one?"

Clark nodded and walked her up to the door, smiling at her wide eyed wonder. Sabatino's had an elegant appearance and the atmosphere was romantic. Something he hoped wouldn't put her off. He had warned her beforehand but still it worried him.

Once inside, as Lois took the place in, Clark went to approach the maître d' about their reservations and stopped at the sound of alarms. He had to force himself to tune it out. Emergency services would deal with it. Bruce and the others would get there, if needed. He couldn't be around 24/7 and stop every incident from happening.

Just because he knew it all to be true didn't make it any easier.

After an internal struggle with himself and they were seated with drinks ordered, Clark found himself on the questioning end of Lois Lane.

"So," She began taking in every detail around her, "how do we have reservations?"

Clark smiled, "I cheated."

"You cheated? How do you cheat at having reservations?" Lois asked with a raised brow before taking a sip from her water. To her pleasant surprise it was actually nice water.

"I called in a favour. I thought maybe taking you here could spark some...thing"

"A memory?"

"Yes." He nodded softly. Unable to take his eyes off her. Her curls were done up simple and framed her face, fell around her shoulders and in Clark's opinion she was more elegant and beautiful than the restaurant or anyone else in it.

Internally reminding himself to reign it in and not scare her off Clark added, "We have a lot of nice memories here." So many of them which led to them going home and falling into bed wrapped in each others arms for hours. The happiness he felt with her, the memories of it had now become like a physical ache.

Lois' response surprised him, her eyes locked with his for a brief moment as she replied, "I think its _who _I'm with that will help the most."

Smiling, Clark nodded. Clueless as to how to respond to that.

The waiter saved him with their drinks.

A quietness filled the space between them. Blaring with furtive looks and sighs. Clark wanted to kick himself after a minute of it, what was he, fifteen? This wasn't his first night out.

Pulling a Lois, he broke the silence, "Is there anything specifically you'd like to know? About us I mean..."

Lois tilted her head slightly in thought. "Uhm...where do I start? Would it be terrible of me to say I want to know it all, how we began. Everything."

Before he could respond, she pressed her lips and continued, "I feel like its all right there on the tip of my tongue and yet..."

"Lois, it will come." Clark put his hand gently over hers, "I know it will." And he realized in that moment he did. There was simply too much of her in everything she did for the memories to truly all be gone, never to return. "I will tell you anything. Everything, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay." After a moment she looked up from their hands to his face, "So the beginning. How did we fall in love? I know we became friends over time but..."

Clark chuckled, "It didn't take us as long as we pretended to become friends."

"Oh?"

"We had this 'secret' friendship months after we met but I think we were already friend before than."

Lois smiled and picked up her menu. "Secret friends?"

"Yes." And he began to tell their story. Looking over their menus and even while they waited, Clark told her of little moments between them, hints of a bond that grew with each passing year. Lois interrupted occasionally to ask specific questions, some of which surprised him. Like did he really like the name Shelby or had he gone with it in order to get out of her calling the dog Clarkie.

Clark found, when he thought about it, that it had been a bit of both.

Of course that had led to the topic of her nickname for him.

"Smallville?" She looked at him incredulously. Unable to understand why she'd call him that. "I get calling a baby Pocket but you..Smallville?"

"It was meant to begin with as a dig, an insult because you weren't impressed with the weird small town you found yourself in. " Clark explained, giving her a reassuring smile.

"But I never stopped calling you that?"

"Nope. I don't ever want you...I mean I like it." Realizing that it could be sometime before he heard her use it the way she once did. "It changed. What was an insult became a term of affection, I was your Smallville."

Catching the serious look on his face, Lois looked up from their food that had just been delivered. "You okay?"

Clark nodded, "I'm fine, I was remembering something you once told me. I guess you could say that it was the very, very beginning of us."

"Very, very beginning?" She teasing questioned.

Smiling Clark shook his head, "It was before we dated, or sorta did. But I think it was time when our relationship shifted. I'm not sure what to call it."

"Ah I see. So what happened?"

"I had been caught up in this..." How did he even explain Lana. "my ex girlfriend had married my ex friend."

Lois paused with her fork mid air. "Oh this sounds, painful...you don't have to."

"It's fine. I don't mind. It hurt then of course. I was making all kinds of bad choices between the triangle I found myself in and still hurting from losing my dad. Every time I thought I could move past it something would happen and..."

"You'd nose dive."

"Yes, I think if I took those things out of the equation I'd have fallen for you sooner. But I was stupid and blind. It took almost losing you and Chloe and actually losing Lana to realize I needed a change."

"She died?"

Clark leaned back allowing himself a brief moment to remember that pain. He had grieved Lana and everything that had surrounded their relationship, including unfulfilled dreams. Now though the pain was more about the fact he wished he had been able to save her from Lex and her choices. He'd always regret his own choices then. Saving Lana had at the time been paired up with getting her back even when he had told himself otherwise.

"She did." Clark looked up at Lois, "I wish she hadn't have had to lose her life for me to have sense knocked into me. And as I usually did at that time I took the route that caused pain for others. "

Lois gave him a questioning frown. Seeing the pain in his eyes, the guilt, bothered her. It was all history of course but he still carried it somewhere on his shoulders. She had a feeling he did that a lot.

Wanting to help Lois redirected back to his initial statement, "What was it I said...that you remembered?" Hoping it wasn't painful.

Clark smiled a moment, glad to be brought of his train of thought. "Oh...that Smallville wasn't the same without _your _Smallville and I was made to promise to never leave you alone in Smallville the weird hick town again." He chuckled at the funny expression on her face.

Lois shook her head trying to imagine them. Desperate to will back the flashes she had earlier. It seemed she had no control over when and how they would come.

"You left?" She asked giving up on trying to recall anything at the moment.

"Yes," Clark gazed at her, for a brief moment picturing her from all those years ago, when her hair had been blonder and they communicated with awkward looks and pretended there was nothing more than friendship between them.

"After Lana died, I decided to go visit family in another state, " More like train at the fortress. "You hadn't taken to my leaving all that well. I was surprised when I returned that you'd even talk to me. But you did." Surprising him and taking his breath away with that heart she was always shielding. Giving him another glimpse at yet another side to Lois Lane.

"How long were you gone?"

"Almost six months." It was suppose to have been longer but events or rather Brianiac had forced him to return.

"Wow, long time to visit family." Lois watched him, not really understanding some of what she saw in his eyes. He really was a mystery.

The thought triggered another flash. This time she saw him, standing by a fence wearing a vibrant red t-shirt. It was gone before she could gain anything else from it. Lois sighed and put her fork down.

"Something wrong?" Clark asked concerned. Wondering if he had said something to upset her.

Lois shook her head, "I had a couple of flashes earlier. I saw you once. They were more than what I was getting before. I just wish I could remember, actually remember something beyond an expression on your face or a dress I was wearing."

Clark couldn't help smiling, "You remembered me. I mean I was in..."

Smiling because he was, Lois nodded, "Yes I did. Just now even, I saw you at a fence, leaning against it I think. I wish I could say I remembered why we were there or even really where _there_is."

"It's something, Lois." He reassured her, placing a hand over her own gently. "I think it was at the farm."

"The one you grew up on? The one in the pictures?"

He nodded.

"Tell me about it, the farm." Lois knew without knowing that the farm meant something to her. Just like it obviously meant something to the man she was with. His face lit up as he talked telling her not only of what it meant to his family but also its importance in their relationship.

Meal nearly finished, Lois pushed her plate back with a laugh twenty minutes later. Amused at Clark's retelling of her control over his bed and the shower at the farm.

"I reprogrammed the answer machine?"

"Yes, you included yourself into the message." He grinned back at her, "You have reached the Kent farm and current residence of Lois Lane. You know the drill so don't hang up, it's rude."

Lois shook her head.

"At the time I was disgusted and couldn't understand my dad's amusement."

"Did I get along with your dad."

Nodding Clark pushed his own plate back, "He loved you like you were his and I know you loved him. My mom said that he had this theory that you and I would end up together. Said all our bickering was just a prelude to something great. That every farm boy needed a city girl."

Lois blushed not certain what she should say to that. Without warning, as she shifted in her seat, an image of a blonde haired man flashed by bringing with it another headache. Lois pitched forward a little as the everything went momentarily black.

"Lois!"

Opening her eyes she found Clark kneeling beside her at the table. "What happened?"

Clark frowned, "I was hoping you would tell me. You almost fell out of your chair."

Putting a hand to her head Lois blinked, the pain wasn't as intense but she felt overwhelmed, needed to get out of there.

"I have a headache, Clark can we leave? I need to leave. Please."

He nodded, worry creasing his forehead. "Of course."

* * *

ღ

Stepping out into the brisk night, Lois took in a lungful of cold air, the intense feeling of pressure lifted off her. As Clark moved forward to call a taxi, she put her hand on his arm to stop him. "Wait!"

"Can we just...walk for a bit." At the uncertainty on Clark's face, Lois took his hand, "I think the fresh air will help. I feel a little better already. Besides I wanted more….time."

"With just us?"

Lois nodded, "yeah."

Clark smiled and turned to face the sidewalk, letting go of her hand and holding his arm out for her to take. Lois took his arm and returned the smile, shivering a little as they began to walk.

"Cold?" He asked after a moment.

Lois glanced at up him. Noting how his eyes flickered to her lips for a fraction of a second, despite how quick it was, she knew what he was feeling. Had been sensing it from him on and off for the last few days. His desire to touch her or in this moment to kiss her.

"No, I'm fine." She was, the shiver which rushed through her again wasn't because she was cold, though she wasn't certain what it was from. Lois looked down the street and pressed her lips.

"Sometimes I think it all just catches up with me."

Clark was quiet for several minutes before he stopped walking and turned to face her fully. "Lois, I'm sure you are going to get sick of me saying this but if you need to slow any of this down or..."

Cocking an eyebrow at him as he trailed off, Lois shook her head, "No, honestly I don't. In all of this you are the one thing I feel the most secure about." At the smile that bloomed on his face Lois smiled too.

"I'm not sure how to describe it." Lois stopped quite literally at a loss for words and at another visible tremor sighed. Closing her eyes as Clark placed his hands soothingly on her arms.

"Take your time...we don't need to rush." Echoing her sentiment the day before only this time implying it as a safety net, a comfort zone.

Lois nodded and took his hand. By silent agreement they resumed their walk down the street. The crisp air felt good to Lois and his body warmth at her side and in her hand was soothing.

The conversations of the evening played out in her head. There was a great deal to take in and while it was a little overwhelming at times it was also exciting and freeing. The latter, more positive feelings because of the air of mystery from the man beside her and how he felt for her. It came off him in waves and Lois knew given a little time she could so easily return it.

To feel that kind of love without pressure was liberating. There was no weight to hold her down or constrict her, just the freedom of depth.

The void left by her memories sometimes felt like a choke-hold, heavy questions encircling her and making her feel trapped and then the man beside her would do or say something and she could breathe again.

Fear and guilt were still there right outside but Lois knew if she kept pushing with Clark, kept moving forward then it wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps there was even hope she'd get her memories back.

Doctor Cole felt it was possible, With how much felt familiar, how there were things she knew that she really shouldn't he felt the memories were still there. Tonight seemed to be proof.

"I'm not a very patient person am I?" Lois asked, unsure where the question came from. "And I guess I'm impulsive too." She added sheepishly, giving him a sideways glance as she did.

Clark smiled, "Patience has never been one of your favorite virtues, " At the 'excuse me' expression on her face he chuckled, "and you're right on being impulsive but I've always like to think that its a good counter for my over thinking and sometimes even procrastination." He squeezed her hand.

"I see. So we balance each other out?"

"Yes we do. Lois, you are always full of surprises and I like that, your impulsive nature gets you into trouble but it also gets you answers, you wouldn't be you without it."

Lois knew what he also meant that he loved that part of her. Looking up at him as they continued to walk she studied his handsome profile, relieved he wasn't looking at her. She knew her face was flushed.

Trying to avoid the sudden discomfort, Lois searched for another subject, "So...I know what I like to eat, and where, Where you proposed, I know how we first met. Which," She grinned and saw the blush rise on his cheeks, "is unique to say the least and I know that we've been together nine or ten years depending on who you ask. But thanks to the headache I have yet to find out exactly how it all started? You know between the two of us as a couple."

Clark chuckled and guided them across the street, obviously having a destination in mind. Lois didn't mind.

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both I guess. Is there a reason for why one of us feels nine years rather than ten?" Part of the reason she found herself enjoying these conversations between them, about them, was how happy it seemed to make him.

"Okay," Clark began lifting her hand held in his up to look at it, his eyes took on a far away look as they continued to walk. "I'd love to think of it as ten years but honestly things didn't exactly play out like I imagined."

"I'm confused. So you don't consider it ten years because things didn't happen like you wanted?" Lois frowned, "Did we date?"

"Yes, sorta..."

"Sorta? We sorta dated?"

Clark sighed, "You moved in and it got complicated, we went out on these...'like a dates' as you called them. It evolved into dates but you wouldn't call us a couple till later."

"So that's why you consider it nine. But if I didn't call us a couple why do I consider it ten?" Lois shook her head.

"I have no idea." At the expression on her face, Clark laughed, "I don't. I figured it was just you giving me a hard time to be honest."

Smiling, Lois nodded, "I get the feeling I like to do that."

"Yes, you do."

"That doesn't explain your reasoning though. Aren't like a dates and dates...coupley? Obviously I was...well who knows what I was thinking."

Clark was silent for a second causing Lois to raise a brow in question. He looked totally awkward, no...not awkward...guilty?

They stopped walking, ironically, Clark noted next to their phone booth. "Uh..." he started, "Before we dated...we..." He couldn't get himself to finish the statement. Even found himself wanting to look away but held her stare.

After a moment with her eyebrows furrowed and her intense stare, he could see it dawn on her, "Oh I see."

"I guess I've always hated the order of it. The way things went, not that they did."

Lois nodded looking thoughtful, she tilted her head to the side. "You know, this kinda makes sense."

It was Clark's turn to furrow his brows, "What does?"

"This..." She gestured between them "me and you and only what? Four days since the whole memory wipe or whatever and here we are on a date. So I mean it doesn't really surprise me that we..." Lois blushed as her eyes scanned him over. "Really I should be curled up with a tub of ice cream and looking through a photo album. Instead I kinda want..." She quickly rambled trying to cover up the fact she had blatantly been checking him out.

"Want?" Clark asked amused. It was so Lois to ramble and go on about ice cream.

Looking away in embarrassment, Lois gazed at the phone booth. Sensing it was familiar but wasn't in the position to think about why. She shook her head, "It doesn't matter because I think that impulsive thing is kicking in and its probably to soon."

Clark sighed, lifting his free hand to gently turn her face towards his, "Do you think it's too soon..." thinking about her statement on second thought he blushed from his own, "I mean you're not asking for us to...I mean if that's what you...not that we should...or even..."

Lois laughed. His stuttering relieved all the tension she had suddenly been feeling. She put her hand over his caught up in the feel of it against his skin. "No...oh no. That would be." Her eyes locked with his, lost in green pools that teased at being blue, her voice softened, "I kind want to know what it would be like to kiss you."

Clark raised a somewhat daring eyebrow, the edge of lips teasing a smile. "Kinda?"

"Yeah, kinda." It came out far more breathless then she had intended, but he made her feel light headed and dizzy.

Their eyes remained locked and the world seemed to fade away. Clark took a step forward, closing the tiny space between them, flooded with a desire to feel her lips against his own. But equally scared to push.

Sensing his hesitation Lois lifted her face up and stood on her tip toes, whispering, "Just a kiss...it's in the right order at leas-"

Unable to resist a moment longer as he felt her hot breath caress his face, Clark swooped down capturing her lips interrupting her ramble as he had so many times before. His lips firmly met hers, softening after a moment. Waiting to see what she would do, hoping that she felt what he did. That pleasant euphoric tingle that raced up his spine and spread out like fire through his veins. A fire he associated only with the power of Lois Lane.

Barely a second passed when he heard her approving sigh and he increased the pressure, bringing his hand to the small of her back as hers trailed up to rest on the back of his neck. Their lips opened slightly, deepening the kiss only a little. Tiptoe along the sweet, tender and chaste line.

They stayed that way in reality for only seconds but it felt like a delightful eternity. The euphoria blazed through Clark as Lois found herself lost in sensations that brought explosions of imagery, feelings, and echoes of thoughts racing through her head.

Any fears she had earlier were replaced with a deep almost painful desire to know and feel more. To fill in all the gaps. She pushed herself into him ignoring the warning thought that this was, this sort of kiss was too soon. Her tongue teased at the under side of his top lip causing him to moan as her mouth fully claimed his own.

Their lips, tongues, hands took on a life of their own and Clark knew he'd go to hell for this. Kissing Lois when she was like this couldn't be right, even if she was okay with it. _What kind of man did that?_

It wasn't those thoughts though that snapped him out of it. It was the realization that she had slipped his glasses off. It was a gesture, an action she did in the privacy of their home at night, not on the street. Years of caution and her own words of warning caused him to pull away.

His lips didn't seem to want to leave her so easily. Breathing heavy they leaned into each other. Clark noted she had his glasses in her hand while his eyes flickered between her parted lips and closed eyes.

Lois wasn't sure how to describe any of what she was feeling or to put into words what had happened between them. There was no way that was just a kiss. It was like a door had opened in her mind and some knowledge, some sort of truth had flooded in.

_Only what? _The tip of the tongue sensation of before was now a 100 times worse. It was there, all of it. She knew it was there.

Looking up Lois eyes searched his. Clark held the key, and not just to awakening forgotten feeling but answering questions she didn't even know she had.

Staring at him, she realized she had taken his glasses off. Stepping out of his embrace Lois smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry I don't know what came over me."

"No! Lois...I shouldn't have"

Lois swallowed at the 'just been kicked' expression he wore. She brought the glasses back up to his face, brushing away a wayward curl that fell across his forehead.

It was then it hit her. Tilting her head, Lois stared at the curl, glasses posed midair. His green eyes took on a distinct blue hue as they reflected street light bouncing off the blue of the phone booth.

Curl and blue eyes.

_Superman._

A spark went through her head, a flash of Superman's face.

"You..."

"Lois..." Clark watched her clueless as to what he should do. Uncertain as to her thoughts. Was she in pain...why was she looking at him like that?

"You're him ..." Lois answered the question, leaving no room for doubt as she looked down at the glasses and than smiled back at him. "why didn't I see this before. I mean you were right there and I didn't see it."

Oh yes, he was going to hell, in a hand basket...carried by Zod himself. _Was she really ready for this?_

It didn't matter. The thought of denying it was something he couldn't do. He wouldn't break her trust and he wanted her to know. "I can explain that..."

Smile still on her face Lois handed him his glasses, "I'm all ears." was her reply in a soft tone telling him she was okay.

Clark began to smile back. His relief killed by the grimace that took over her lips.

The head ache from earlier came back with a vengeance, bringing with it a memory. She could see him standing in his costume smiling at her just the way he had a moment ago.

She grabbed her head trying to push the pain down. But no amount of fresh air or deep breaths seemed to help.

"Lois..." Clark took her face in his hands, trying to get her to focus on him. "Lois, look at me."

"Sorry Clark. I...oh." She stared at him for a moment before her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

"Lois!"

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**TO BE CONTINUED...**

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Please don't shoot me for the cliffie or if its crap. Cookies, cake, and ice cream of any kind tho are appreciated. **:|**


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